One of Those Days

I have had one of those days. In my 8 years of being employed by the Mission, I have found that nothing ever goes to plan.

My intentions were to repair the air conditioner that runs half of the upstairs of the Men's Shelter. I started off by getting the freon out of the system. I was getting all of our equipment out, I found out I was out of sil-floss, the stuff you need to solder the pipe together. I had to run to the parts store and get more. By the time I got back, it was empty of freon. So I took all the gauges off and proceeded to but all the malfunctioning parts out of the system. Easy enough. I went to put the new expansion valve on and found out that the pipe sizes didn't match up. No big deal, I bought reducers and extra lengths of pipe just in case. I put everything together and started soldering. When I finished, I went to get my inspection mirror to make sure that I soldered everything correctly and I would have no leaks. Unfortunately, it was nowhere to be found. Irritating. We looked all over the van for it and couldn't find it. My helper just cleaned my tool bag out the day before, and he said it wasn't in there. I figured we would make it without it. I am pretty good so there should be no leaks. Wrong again. We pressure tested the lines and found a huge leak on the line. It is an amazingly tight space, so I kept working in getting it sealed. I am a bit claustrophobic as well, and that didn't help things.

Very frustrating morning. Time got away from me, so we headed downstairs to get some lunch. I was so ticked that this thing wasn't working out like I hoped it would. Usually, something like this shouldn't take a couple of hours. I am already on hour 3. While I was sitting down eating, one of our pastors came up to me and told me that he had something for me, something very important. He handed me a little folded up note. The paper on the outside said to make sure that this note got to me, and that it was a note from my son. Chance had written me a letter that said, "Dad, I miss you and love you. Your son, Chance." I got teary eyed. Apparently the group he is on mission with this week wrote a whole bunch of notes to the guests at the Shelter to encourage them, and Chance wrote a special letter to me. It was very encouraging, it made my day. I struggle a lot with Chance. I love him so much, and I know he loves me. But we are constantly in to it. I know it's a teenage thing, but it's hard on both of us. One day, I hope we can look back at the fights we get into and laugh.

Anyway, back to work, and it didn't get any better. Still leaks in the lines. We hunted them all down without a mirror. We pressure tested everything again and found that we got all of the big leaks fixed, but we still had one small leak. We found it in a bypass line of the valve. It is a very small line that is attached to a 1 inch copper line by a flare fitting. We took the wrench to it and tried to tighten it down but it still leaked. The fitting that the valve line attached to was leaking at the base of the fitting where it met the 1 inch line. This fitting was on the back side of the pipe, where you couldn't really see it, more a less take a torch to it to weld the hole shut. We had to have the mirror. We went back down to the van and still didn't find it. I told my helper to look in the tool bag again, and sure enough, there it was in the very bottom of the bag he just cleaned out the day before. So, after countless trips up and down ladders, up and down stairs, hours of tight space torch work on a ladder, the one thing we needed to eliminate all of that showed up. Nice. Well, we gave up on trying to fix the existing fitting. We cut the 1 inch line out of the coil and took it to the shop to fab up something similar to install tomorrow. We packed up the tools and headed down to the van.

As we were walking out, Pastor Steve stopped me and asked me to share my story of attempting to loose weight and the struggles I face and the opportunities that have come up as a result of all the prayer and steadfast seeking of the Lord in this journey. I was happy to oblige. We have a guy who is struggling with the weight and self image. I am looking forward to him coming out to the Colony. I have felt like God has been leading me towards working with this guy since he first walked in to our doors. Maybe he and I can work together on this thing. Praying about that.

I didn't go to the gym tonight. No, it was not because of my experience the other night. I was so tired because of my day of "Shoots and Ladders" (I said "shoot" every time something went wrong, and I was on ladders all day, hahahaha

I am going to bed now. Good night...

Morning of the Living Dead

I decided to walk this morning. I need to add some cardio to my gym trips, so I strapped on the ipod and headed out the door at 530 this morning.

Now, you would think that at that obscene time of the morning that you wouldn't see many people walking. Man was I wrong. There were a ton of people out this morning. I started walking down the street and took a left where the street ends. I ran into a lady that was trotting along at a pretty good pace. Apparently she planned on running into someone, because she was dressed in real nice running gear. As she passed by me, I was nearly choked up by the perfume she was wearing. Perfume, at 530, while running? Made no sense.

As I continued up the block, I saw another lady running around in a cove. Back and forth and back again. I really don't understand how people can run in circles like that. I hate walking tracks or in circles. I need some scenery. I need people to watch. I need houses to look at. I need to be nosy. Well, I guess this lady enjoyed running in the comfort of her on cove. Either that, or she has an overprotective husband who has installed an invisible fence that she isn't allowed to cross.

I turned the corner and headed up the road. A car passed by every now and again, it's headlights rudely interrupting the dim light of the inevitable sunrise. The elevation was starting to change. This road has a slight incline all the way to my next turn. As I walked through the busy S curve, I saw a man hiking towards me. When I say hiking, he was actually hiking. He was wearing boots and had a huge backpack strapped to his back. Hmmmmm, preparing for a trip maybe? Maybe he was just carrying the extra weight to get a good workout. He carries his on his back, I carry mine on the front.

I headed down the road and walked by the gated community before the turn. There used to be horse stables here. I always thought it was so weird to see the stables in the middle of the city. Walking this morning, I wished they were still there. I love to watch horses, they are amazing creatures. Instead, a whole bunch of zero lot, high dollar homes have been constructed in it's place, and surrounded by a 6 foot rod iron fence. Beautiful as it is, it looks like a prison to those who live inside. The people are imprisoned by the need to acquire, to be better, to look good. The longer they stay there, they become institutionalized to a system whose hunger can never be quenched. It is always devouring, always consuming, always destroying.

I turned the corner and walked past the south side of the prison and saw a couple of other women head down their driveway to the open road. They walked with a ferocious pace, ready to conquer the world. As they cut in front of me and took off, I kept plodding along. All of the sudden, the dynamic duo stopped. One of them had a nasty nose bleed. They turned around and went back home.

Down the street I went. Step, step, step. I took another turn and in the distance, the hiker returned. I was beginning to think this hauntingly familiar to a scary movie I saw once. I figure if I don't give the guy a ride, everything should be fine. We crossed paths and gave each other a head nod. No machete, so I was okay.

I kept walking. At the corner, I see a silhouette of a man turning the corner at the end of the road. If I didn't know any better, I could have swore he was wearing a backpack. He was. There is no way that this guy made the block again. I turned to see if the hiker was at the other end of the road. Nope. Gone. This is truly turning into a scary movie. As I got closer, I realized that this wasn't the same guy. There was another hiker. Weird. Did I miss the "Everyone carry a backpack" memo? Anyways, I think this guy was looking for the woman I ran into first when I walked. He was dressed in nice gear and his cologne almost killed me. I guess morning walks are like the new pick up location? Anyways, I finally made the final turn to my street and then to the house.

A Letter to My Fellow Gym Members

I need to vent, so here it goes...

To All the Members of the Gym,

I need to get a few things straight with all of you. First of all, I know I don't belong here. You all live in a part of town that I have no business being in, you pay ridiculous amounts of money to attend here, and you spend an obscene amount of time working out. I am none of these things. I am a middle class, working guy who makes a decent wage, but that is spent supporting my wife and kids, who I would much rather be around than you people. The only reason why I come here is so that I can extend and enjoy the amount of time I have here with them. I also got a free pass from a very good friend of mine.

I feel your glances and believe me, I understand. I have my reservations about getting on certain pieces of equipment and doing exercises that will probably end up with my fat butt on the floor. But hey, I do it anyway. I don't look as majestic as the woman on the stair stepper. Every time I see you, I wonder if you will ever get tired of that machine. But there you are, perched like a hawk and watching every thing that happens in the field of machines. I can't multi-task like the cyclist. I think I have escaped your notice, and rightly so. You are too busy reading, listening to your ipod, and cycling at ridiculous speeds to pass judgement on me. I have caught you glancing, Mr. Marathon. I was a fan of yours when I saw the "26.2" sticker on the back of your car. I even got next to you on the elliptical one day hoping to strike up a conversation. You weren't on there five minutes and got off and moved on to another part of the gym. Guess I need extra deodorant. Oh, and who can forget the wolfpack. The muscle head frat boys that hang out over at the weight machines, a part of the gym that I rarely get to see. I see you guys come in and out and I know you see me. You don't have to say anything, the eyes say it all. But I bet I have more kids than you, so bite me.

And speaking of kids, I would like to address a trio of teens who, while waiting for their mommy to pick them up, took time to look up and get a good laugh at my expense. How did I know that you were laughing at me? The pointing and laughing pretty much covered it. I have dealt with jerks like you all of my life. I grew up being the fat kid and getting teased from kids my entire childhood. I still get made fun of by my kids' friends. I am used to it. But you guys were the straw that broke the camel's back tonight. I have had enough. By the way, I have seen you guys shoot ball, and you have no room to laugh. Your jump shots are a joke and I know I could shoot your lights out any night.

I digress...I have had enough though. Let me reinforce the fact that I know I don't belong here. I am not trying to belong. I don't want to be anything like any of you. I just want to look like you. I want to lose this weight, get healthy, look good, and praise God that He was the one responsible for providing the opportunity to do it. And I am thanking Him for each of you today. I have been praying that He would give me some motivation to lose weight and exercise more, and I have found it today. To show each and everyone of you that I can do it, that God is good and He will be the one that helps me do it, and to learn how to do this thing on my own so I don't sweat on your equipment anymore, thus restoring balance to your shallow and egotistical gym.

Sincerely,
J

P.S.
Ty and the Assassin are the only reasons I keep coming here. They are a beacon of hope in a dark, dark, place. I praise God for them and all the time they spend working out with me.

It All Comes Together...

Have you ever seen the Karate Kid? Not the crappy remake with little Will Smith and Jackie Chan, the original one, you know, Daniel son, Mr. Myagi, wax on wax off...? My favorite part of that movie is when Daniel gets sick of doing all the crappy work on Mr. Myagi's house and is about to storm off. Mr. Myagi tells him to shut up and had him show off everything he learned. Come to found out, Daniel had been learning karate the whole time, and after an onslaught of fists and kicks, Daniel realizes that everything he has been doing paid off. Love that movie.

Anyways, I had an air conditioning issue at the Mission today, so I had to head down early to try to avoid the heat. That didn't happen. When I got there, the thing was frozen solid. I climbed the ladder to get on the roof and turned the condensing unit off. I climbed back down and decided to take the expansion valve apart to see if it was clogged.( I'll try not to get anymore technical, hahaha). In order to do that, I need several pieces of equipment to pump the freon out of the system and take the thing apart. So my helper and I went downstairs to the van and to get everything. I grabbed my gauges and threw them over my shoulder, grabbed my toolbag which weighs about 40 pounds, the recovery machine which weighs about 30 pounds, and a jug of freon which weighs about 30 pounds and headed into the building. I walked through the building up the stairs and to the roof access. My helper followed with a few pieces of equipment as well. When we got the access I asked him if he wanted to hand stuff up to me or if he wanted to get on the roof and pull it up after I handed it to me. He choose the roof, so he got up there and I lifted each piece of equipment over my head, up the ladder, and to him.

After enduring the heat and pumping the system down, we came off the roof and dismantled the unit. We blew the lines out and did more inspecting. I found the lines were clear, but the unit inside was filthy again. I just cleaned it a month ago. So I dismantled all the shelving underneath the unit and since it was such a tight space, I stepped up on some milk crates to dismantle the unit further so I could get to the coils. Up and down on the milk crates, taken it apart piece by piece, then the coil was exposed. Up and down on the milk crates, cleaning it with a wire brush, vacuuming it, spraying it down, then putting it back together. Back up the ladder to pull a vacuum, then I handed down the equipment to my helper. I added some freon to the system and got it running correctly, then down the ladder, picked up all the equipment and carried it down to the van.

Then it hit me. I had my Mr. Myagi moment.

I had been up and down stairs, carrying heavy equipment, baking in the sun, climbing up and down ladders, up and down on milk crates in some of the most uncomfortable standing positions you could imagine, and at 4:19 in the afternoon, I wasn't tired. I wasn't hurting. I could probably do it all again right now if I had too. Why is that? All the cardio, elliptical, leg exercises, squats, all this stuff I constantly talk about doing in the gym has paid off in my day to day life. Usually after a day like today, I would come home whining about all the stuff I had to do or I would just have my helper do it all and wear him out. Today, I did it with him, and when I got home, I went shopping with Pam. So I can't wait to see Ty and tell him about it all and I might even thank the Assassin for all the work he has made me do.

Now if they would only teach me an exercise to make yard work easier...

Yes, I can hurt more...

I decided to look up the definition of personal trainer:

personal trainer-noun-1. person who takes fat, out of shape people and attempts to make them disabled

I returned to the gym to meet with the Assassin. He had someone else to torture for a few minutes before he got to me. He told me to go warm up on a treadmill. Treadmill? Dude, I am over the treadmill. I have elliptical status around here. I headed over to my old friend the elliptical, put the ipod on, and started chugging on it. 10 minutes, 1 mile, level 8, warmed up. It also loosened up my legs, which were so tight when I got there. It felt like someone took chains and wrapped them over and over and over around my thighs, then put a padlock on them. I tried so hard to stretch and loosen them up. It took something as extreme like the elliptical to get them to recover. I finished up, the Assassin beckoned, and I answered the call.

I don't know why, but I am totally embarrassed when I have to work with the core ball. A couple of reasons I think, 1. A lot of girls use them. 2. They are all pastel colors. Why not a black one? Anyway, we started off with some wall squats. You take the big ball on the wall and press your back against it. While leaning against it, squat. 1, 2, 3, ow, owww, owwwwwwww. Three sets of 15. Now, I know I complain about it, but I am pretty impressed at the same time. A month ago, I don't think I would make it through one set. Now, I am doing 3 sets of 15. Score.

On the next exercise, I had to lay down on the ball and roll on it to the point that it was behind my head and shoulders. I had to arch my body while I lifted weights. Interesting. And kinda freaky. I thought for sure that I was going to fall for sure today. 3 sets of those and then I had to move on to a knee bend dead lift.You take a couple of weights and hold them straight down in front of you. Then, you squat down. Then, I took the weights held them on my shoulders, and did what he called "hovering squats." Now, if I ever heard this term before, I would assume that is something that you do when you go to a nasty gas station bathroom. Take the same concept, except you're fully clothed, weights on your shoulders, and all you're doing is standing in a bent knee position up and down, never all the way up though, thus the hovering effect. I have decided that I really hate ANY squat exercise.I endured, and moved on.

The Assassin said that we needed to get out of our little corner, so he grabbed one of those exercise steps and I had to do a crossover step up. If the step is on your left side, you use your right foot, step over then up the step. Ty tried to get me to do some step exercises a couple of weeks ago, and it killed my knees. This time, I did a set on each foot pretty easily. Progress. We went to do some upper body work, sitting marine presses which are cake. Next, he grabbed one of those stretch bands and I did a few tension exercises to work the back. Then, abs. I got into my half sit up position and went side to side with the elbows. Effective, but not as effective as taking the medicine ball and doing a couple of sets of crunches, which is what I finished the routine with tonight.

I know it seems like an onslaught of nonstop movement, and believe me, it feels like it. But we have time between exercises to talk about things and I really enjoy it. I definitely enjoy talking to him about some of the things we do at the Mission and dealing with those who are addicted. He told me about the big drug problem kids in Africa have is huffing. Kids will take industrial strength glue and put it in a small glass bottle and huff it to get high. We talked about addiction and missions and discipleship. Pretty good stuff. I need to find more things to distract him...

Could I hurt any more?

So, yeah, after last night's blog I thought, hey, no big deal, go rock the workout tomorrow and you're going to be fine.

My legs are killing me.

It's weird really. I can feel every muscle in both of my legs. Every step, every stair, even lifting my foot off the gas pedal and pressing the brake sends shooting pain through the entire lower half of my body. The new guy is an assassin. He's an exercise sniper. He doesn't hurt you from a length distance, he hurts you with a time distance. I am sure I will loosen up once I get to the gym, which I am about to go to now. The elevator sounds like a good idea. I hope I get rock star parking. I will update later.

Old Dog, New Tricks

I have a new trainer. I haven't told him I blog, so I won't throw his name out there. Ty called him a "Silent Assassin". He is a pretty quiet guy, real soft spoken. His parents were missionaries in Africa, he was born in Nigeria. You couldn't tell it by looking at him, the guy is super white with kinky curly blonde hair. When I first met him, I didn't think this was going to be a good fit. Then the workout began...

Now, I usually start with a warmup on the elliptical. I have gotten pretty good at it. I can move at a 6 mph pace at level 8, which sounds good while I am typing it. Yeah, I am trying to impress everyone. This is the way I figure it, If it wasn't for my weight and the impact on my feet and knees, I could run 6 mph. Pretty good. So, I thought we would start with that. Wrong. He started off with a squat, two handed overhead dribble with a 25 lb. medicine ball. Doesn't sound like much, but when you do it 30 times, it gets the heart pumping. Then you do 2 sets of them, and you have got a good start.

We then did lunges. That's where you step up, squat in that step position, then bringing your feet together. Ouch. 2 sets of those. Double ouch. Then we did squats. I have no problem with squats, but he had me do a weird variation of it. I had to squat down far enough to tap a core ball with my butt, then stand back up. Hmmmm. Kinda embarrasing. Good thing I am not trying to impress anyone up there. I then sat on the ball and did some weight lifting, just pushing some light barbells over the head. no biggie. Then to the kinesis machine for some punches. I like those, lots of aggresion relief.

It then occurred to me that this guy is working me pretty hard.

Time for core work. No easy situps this time. He had me sit down on the floor. He threw the medicine ball to me while I laid back as far as I could without laying down, then back up while throwing the ball. I then had to sit in a half sit up position with my arms in front of me holding 15 pound weights in each hand. I then had to reach to my sides with the weights, right side, left side. That was followed by half sit up back strokes. Ouch. Hurt good. He asked me if I felt like I worked out for an hour. Definitely. We scheduled our next meeting and I limped down the stairs. I swear I could hear the elevator laughing at me as I walked by.

When I got home, my friend Suzi saw me get out of my car and I could tell she was amused. In the short drive it took to get back home, my legs turned into noodles, my stomach was cramping, and my arms were tightening up.

Me and the new guy are going to get along fine...

Stairway to Heaven...?

I have a special talent that I would like to brag about real quick to preface my blog for the evening. Whenever I go out and about, and no matter where I am at or who I am with, I always manage to get front row parking. I don't mean handicap parking, because that is illegal (even though I can write a whole blog about some of the "handicap" people that use those spaces). I'm not even talking about the maternity parking that some stores have as a courtesy to pregnant women (I tried to park there one time and try to pass off that I was pregnant. Didn't work.) I am talking about the space right next to the handicap spaces. Some stores even have spaces that are closer than the handicap ones, which I find weird and a bit mean, but nevertheless, I park there. We call it "Rock Star Parking." My kids love it. They think it is cool that I find these spaces when we go out. They get on to Pam because she can never get Rock Star Parking. She finally did the other day when I wasn't there, and it was a big deal. Pam called me to tell my of her triumphant victory. The kids bombarded me with the news when I got home.

So, the question for the evening is this, is it hypocritical to go to the gym and actually look for Rock Star parking? I am finding myself turning down the luxurious spot to park further away when I go to the gym. But I am afraid to anger the parking gods by turning down their bountiful blessing. I took them up on their offer today though. The parking lot was under repair and parking was a disaster, so to save time, and admittedly, walking distance, I parked in Rock Star parking. Full disclosure here people, full disclosure...

Anyway, Ty was tied up (a little play on words there, get it?) with someone, so I started my warmup with 10 minutes on the elliptical. It is getting easier, and I am finding my initial disdain for the torturous machine dwindling. It welcomes me with arms wide open every time I visit the gym. It's like one of those annoying older relatives that you can't really say how you are related too, but every time you see them, they pinch your cheeks real hard and mess with your hair and real annoy the mess out of you. You constantly complain after ever reunion about that relative and how weird they are and how the pinch hurts. Yet, when the time has come and they pass away, you miss them and remember how much they went on and on about how handsome you were. One day, I hope to have that sort of relationship with the elliptical. We're not there yet.

I finished up to find Ty still tied up (yeah, that doesn't get old), so I stretched a bit then went to the treadmill. I did 10 minutes on that. No big deal. I watched a story about how bad Japan still is. How soon we forget. They have boats, huge 120 ton boats, sitting in the middle of roads. They have so much garbage and debris they have no idea what to do with it. 25,000 dead. 10,000 still missing. Makes our problems seem pretty small.

I finished the treadmill and Ty was tied up (okay, it is old now) with dude, but he did mange to see me and told me to warm up. "Done," I said. So he got me set up on the old reliable kinesis machine. I had to do the lunge push exercise, the first one that ever did on this machine. As he was wrapping up with dude, I did three sets of 15. We usually do two. Moving on up. Dude finally left. He was a bit of a talker. Ty got me doing a new exercise he affectionately called the oil rig. It was a squat a pull down exercise. He told me if I hit oil to let him know. I thought I was going to oil my pants, but I managed. I even went up in weight after the first set. 3 set, then back to the old swing steps. I like these. You grab a hold of the band and hold it at your chest, then you step back and swing your body in the direction of the step. Works the abs, hurts in a good way. 3 sets. I set the bar, Ty won't let me go back now.

We then found my old friend the core ball. Situps. No resistance this time. Nothing but hard core sitting up. I did 3 sets of 30. I almost slid off the ball once. I know it will happen sooner or later. Prepare yourselves, it will be epic.

We then walked back over to the treadmill/elliptical machine area. Ty said, "I have a surprise for you." I began to worry. I don't like it when he says that. I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw a machine I hadn't really noticed before. It was a miniature escalator. "Oh crap," I thought, "He's going to make me do a stair machine." We breezed by there. I thanked God and we kept walking. We walked by rowing machines. "Cool, that looks fun," I thought. Kept walking. Some stationary bikes were to our right. "Too easy, surely not that." Of course not. We got to the end of the gym and Ty opened a door marked "Stairs." He pulled a kettle weight out of an office. I was about to cry. I hate that thing. I tried to play it tough, though. "Kettle weight, huh? Let's do It." He said, "This is just to hold the door open." What? We got to the stairwell and he said, really enthusiastically I might add, "Alright! We're going to do 10 laps up and down the stairs!" First, no matter how enthusiastic you are, 10 trips up and down stairs never sound good. Secondly, whenever Ty says "We," he means me. Third, stairs suck.

I looked around this evil stairwell and noticed a couple of towels laying around. I assume people have died doing this same activity. I thought I would be the next. It would be easy to hide the evidence. Just roll their fat carcass down the stairs, out the door and hide them behind the garbage just outside the bottom stairwell door. Oh well. I have my cell phone. I'll dial 911 if I have too. Down the steps I went back up I came. 1. Tired already. Ty said that looked too easy so he brought me a 12 pound weight to lift up and down while I went up the stairs. The first one always looks easy. And what's with the weight? Down, left hand, Up, right hand. Who does this guy think he is, Mr. Miyagi? I did it. 2. Breathing hard. I can feel my heart beat in my chest, my arms, my head. I can hear it begging me to stop. Ty took the weight. Apparently, it was looking hard to do now. I went down again, then back up, 3. Ty said, "Keep it up, I'll be right back. Don't pass out!" Yes sinsai. Down, and up. Heart beating hard, but I don't think it wants me stop. I think it is saying thank you. It's excited. It's doing something it doesn't get to do. It is working hard. I think it likes it. Down and up. 5. Yeah heart, I hear you, but the lungs are yelling a little louder right now. Breath, in through nose, out through mouth. Down. Rest. Getting harder. Feet are siding with the lungs now. Might start a revolution soon. Ty hollers down, "How many?" "5...and a half? "Keep it up, you're doing great!" Up. 6. Down. The knees have been talking to the feet and lungs. Mutiny. The brain and heart say keep going. The arms are siding with them. The feet get ticked because they don't think the arms have in part in this. The arms remind the feet that they kept their mouth shut when we were on the kinesis machine. Arms can be so smart. Up. 7. The back is the swing vote. Whatever he says is going. "Back, how do you feel?" "3 more, we got it." Down. Up. Down. Up. Stop. Breath. Stretch. Everyone is on board now. Just one more. Down. Up. Victory.

I sat down at the top of the stairs, amazed. I didn't think I would make it. Ty asked me if I could walk. "Yeah, piece of cake." Mmmmmmmm...cake. No no no. We walked over and talked for a bit. He asked me if I wanted to weigh today or Thursday. Today man, right now. we went to go weigh, and the elevator was jumping up and down trying to flag me down and was yelling, "HEY! Haven't you had enough of those stairs yet?!?" Yes I have dear elevator, but down one more flight won't kill me. Will it? Anyways, I made it down and weighed. 457. Down 1 pound. I told Ty I would have loss more, but I blame it on the increased muscle mass from 10 FLIGHTS OF STAIRS!!! Anyways, he didn't buy it, and rightfully so. I am really having a hard time with my eating habits. They are so bad. I am so tired of struggling with it. It is something I praying about, because I know it isn't something I can fix on my own. I am really trying to blog more. Time is a luxury this time of year. The end of school and the Crusade coming up downtown next week, in addition to the flooding and the havoc it has wreaked with placing our men and the increased use of our facilities, well, it's been busy. And tiring. I'll try to update more.

No Pain, No Gain

So, I think I made Ty mad the other day. It was either that, or I did really well on my fitness evaluation. Tonight's workout was killer.

We started out with...guess. Any guesses? If you said elliptical machine, you were correct. I had already prepared mentally for this. I wasn't going to lose to it again. I got on and started up, and, of course, Ty wanted me to do 10 minutes. Since this was the first exercise, it was a bit easier. And I nailed it. And by nail it, I mean I huffed and puffed through 10 minutes of painful unnatural motion. But hey, a win's a win.

That was followed up with some stretching. I don't know what the deal is with my back, but most of this stuff is really causing it to tighten up. I was then introduced to a sinister piece of equipment known as the kettle weight. It is a big ball with a handle on it weighing 25 pounds. Ty had me do this squat-swing exercise that worked every muscle in my body. He has a way of finding exercises that do that. 2 sets and I thought I was going to pass out. I could tell Ty wanted me to do a third, but he went to put the infernal thing up. I stopped him, did another set, then rested a bit before we moved to the next exercise. I can safely say this, I would rather do the elliptical than do that exercise again.

Next, Ty got a huge core ball out for me to do situps on. I had to sit on it then roll it down to my back and lay on it to start the situps. I looked at Ty with some concern. He asked me what was wrong. I said that there was one of two things that could happen that would be devastating. One, I sit on the ball, it pops, and I land hard on the floor. Second, I roll and the ball shoots out from underneath me, and I still land hard on the floor. Ty assured me that it would be fine. It was, and I did a couple of sets of 30.

My back was still hurting. We stretched it out some more. Ty asked me if I ever popped my back. I tolld him no. I never get my back to pop. I was also told when I was a kid not to pop my knuckles or I would get arthritis. I applied the same concept to my back. Don't pop it and I won't have back problems. We then went to the weights. I was excited about this. I wanted to work with weights. But before I knew it, Ty had another exercise planned that would include every muscle in my body. I had to step up on a platform and lift a 15 pound dumbell over my head. My left knee screamed at me. My back joined in. I made it through the first set. Then I went to the other arm and knee. My back was very mad. I laid down and did some  more stretching. Then I did some bridges. I laid down flat on my back then lifted my hips up off the ground then back down. I did that 30 times, Then I went back to the stretching. As I was stretching, my back popped about 16 times. It felt so good. I went to the treadmill to do a little cardio, but my back was flaring up again. I did a little more stretching and then went to leave. The elevator looked at me and tempted me to use it. No, my friend, but thank you.

Fitness (or lack there of) Evaluation

So, I started at the gym today. My buddy Ty hooked me up with a pretty sweet deal over at Lifetime Fitness on Houston Levee. I strongly suggest you go over there if you are looking for a gym to join. The place is like the Taj Mahal of fitness. I drove down there last week to get my membership started up and was blown away by how nice it was. My excitement was shadowed by the fact that we had a tornado heading straight for us, but let me tell you something, it is amazing.

I was freaking out at first. The place is massive. Walking up to the building is intimidating enough. There is a culture of people that go to gyms that I have nothing in common with. these are the men and women who wear all the athletic gear that none of us normal people would ever fit in. The size and shapes of their bodies show the extreme discipline that comes to those who are faithful gym goers. And they like to show it off. Scantily clad fit people all over the place. And in walks the fat dude...

It's almost like the old westerns. Everyone in the saloon, drinking and playing cards. Then, the new guy in town busts through the double doors with the black hat on, a snarl on his face, and daring anyone to say something out of the line. Yeah, that was me.

I walked around and looked for Ty. He wasn't downstairs. Up the stairs I go. I don't have a problem with stairs. I saw the elevators and thought, "Maybe I should..." "NOOOOO!!!!!" Yeah, definitely don't take the elevator at the gym. You are there to get in shape, so take the stairs and and get some cardio in before the real workout begins.

Ty was at the fitness services desk. I almost didn't recognize him. Over the past few months, he has been growing his beard and hair out to play Jesus in our Easter musical. It ended this past weekend, so he cut the Jesus look and went back to his old clean shaven self. We talked for a bit then headed to the computer to get some information in and to...weigh. Urg. I don't think I have ever weighed in front of anyone outside the medical community before. Ty said there was a more accurate scale downstairs. We went downstairs and weighed. It swayed between 456 and 459, so we stuck with 458, which is the one number it stayed on the longest. We went to go back upstairs. I saw the elevator again...NO NO NO!!!

Up the stairs and to the treadmill. I missed my friend the treadmill. I use to hang out with him every morning. We got me set up to take and started with the evaluation. I started at a nice 2 mile per hour pace on a flat walk, which was easy. I could do this all day. After we checked my heart rate, he increased the incline. 0 to 2. Still easy. I walked for a bit, checked the heart, raised again. 4. Not bad. Then up to 6. Hmmmm. A little rougher. Legs were burning a little. Back was tightening up. Sweat started trickling down my face. Ty handed me a towel. He asked me how I was doing on a scale of 1 to 10. Ummmm, 6. Up again. 9. Mountain climbing now. Pretty tough. I hung in there for a bit, checked the heart rate, then did the cool down. I was feeling pretty good. My back was hurting a bit, but other than that, I felt good.

We went to a different part of the gym and did some stretching. The stretching area was right by the stairs. Awkward. All of these fit people coming up and down the stairs staring at the fat guy stretching. The back was all back to normal and then we went to the an interesting looking machine that Ty seemed  a little to happy to see. I don't remember what he called it, I want to say it was a Telekinesis machine, but that couldn't be right. I tried to move it with my mind and it didn't do anything. It was a big and white and shaped like a coke machine, with arms coming out of it connected by rubber bands with handles. There were a couple of slots in the bottom of the machine, no cokes, just a spot to adjust the weight. Ty got the weights adjusted and had me do a few exercises. The first was a lunge and push with the rubber bands, which wasn't bad. The second was a squat and pull, which was an evil exercise. Finally, I did a sort of baseball swing to work my core, which, before today, I thought could only be found in an apple.

After that, we headed over to another machine. This machine is evil. I think it was invented in the medieval times to torture overweight prisoners to compensate for overcrowding. I think if we used it instead of waterboarding we would have found bin Laden 9 years ago. It is the elliptical machine. If you ever watched infomercials, it reminds me of that old machine where you ski and move your arms at the same time. It makes you move every muscle in your body. Ty wanted me to do it for 10 minutes. He even showed me the nice little fan feature it had to keep me cool. Unfortunately, I could only do 5 minutes. When I went to stop, I couldn't do it. The machine just kept going. It took everything I had to make the machine slow down. I think it took more for me to slow down than it did to get it going. The machine finally released me from its grip and I jumped off of it. As we walked away, I could have swore the machine laughed at me. It was either that, or the guy with 1% body fat on the machine behind me. I am going with the machine...

That was the end of the workout. Ty and I talked for a while and then I went to leave. Elevators, NO!, then back out the doors to the real world.

Feeling good. Not hurting. Actually feel stretched out a bit. Can't wait until Thursday when I go back.

Exciting news

Ok, so this week is a restart to the whole "lose it jerm" journey.

I start working out at a gym this week. With a trainer. Boot camp style. With the family.

Sam's already running five miles a day and doing pushups.

And I promise to blog more.

Back in the Saddle, and I Feel Like Fighting

2 miles, 35 minutes. Walking is back on the regular.

Reigning in the food, too. Calories are getting back under control. Steering this big ship back on course.

I am openly responding to a challenge made by my sister earlier this week. Don't sing it, bring it. We'll start Friday, weigh day for me. You're going down. Be prepared for a beat down.

And that challenge goes for anyone out there who needs a swift kick in the butt to lose some weight. If you need an extra push or want some "friendly" competition to help lose a few pounds, feel free to let me know if you're in. I accept any and all challenges, any time, anywhere. And by any challenge, I mean any challenge I know that I am guaranteed to win, because I hate losing. I mean, I REALLY hate losing. I wonder if that is why I can't lose weight...

Anyways, feels good to be back walking, even though it is still boring. I actually enjoy walking without the ipod. Weird. Helps me clear my head though.

I'm tired...

Yes, Sara, it HAS been a while since I posted, thanks for holding me accountable.

There really isn't anything to post. That means bad things are happening. I am slowly creeping in to my old habits. Vacation really stalled me. I took a week off, so I quit walking every morning. I was justifying it by all the work that was going on around the house. I conquered the 5k. Now what?

I have to continually set goals to keep me motivated. I know this is a long term commitment to better living and healthy standards, but it's hard. To be honest, it was real discouraging doing the 5k. It's hard to see people doing things so easily whereas for me, it is so difficult.

I am tired of walking. I wish there was some way to exercise besides just walking. Honestly, I think it would be easier if I had people doing it with  me. I like to compete, it would be cool to race or lift more or do better than someone else, or have someone beat me so it gives me incentive to try harder. Walking is boring.

I've had a pretty rough time since I got back from vacation. It has been so busy and stressful at work, which provokes eating. It is addictive behavior, I am aware. At least I am out of the denial phase. Now I have to learn how to cope, and that is the difficult part. I have figured out the "Don't beat yourself up" part, but I am tired of getting there.

I've lost momentum. It feels like crap. Will try to do better tomorrow...

Yoda says, "Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try."

I WILL do better tomorrow...

The Official 5k

We woke up on time Saturday morning, which was an amazing event. Whenever we plan to do anything,  we always run late. We had already hit one stumbling block. Our babysitter fell through, which meant that we had to take all of the kids. Mary spent the night that at a friend's house, so it was just me, Pam, and the boys. I tried to prep the boys the night before. I told them that we were walking a 5k, and Noah asked me, "How long is that, like forever?" "No, Noah. It is only 3.1 miles." "That IS forever!" he cried. I assured him that he would be fine.

The first question of the morning was what to wear. I didn't care one way or the other, I don't get cold, and any exercise I do will make me hot. All of the boys put on shorts and T-shirts, as did Pam. We ate breakfast and headed out the door. We realized the wardrobe choice was a mistake. There was a slight chill in the air, and Pam, Noah, and Chance protested the shorts. I told them that they would warm up as we walked. Some arguing followed, but we didn't have time to change, we had to go.

We got to the building and met with the coordinators of the 5k and checked in. I don't think I have ever felt so out of place in my life. I was surrounded by people that were from a different place, almost like a different planet. These people were runners. You could tell. Everything about them shouted fitness and discipline. The build of their bodies, the clothes they wore, the way they carried themselves, the way they stretched, these were people who took running seriously. And they knew each other, they all joked and were hanging out and speaking their own language. It was like I walked in on a secret society and it was obvious that I didn't belong. I tried to ignore the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach and occupy my time with the kids.

Our friend Beth showed up and we huddled up and talked for a bit. Some announcements were made and we were told to get to the starting line of the race. It was a quarter of a mile up a hill. A steep, steep hill. Pam pushed the stroller as we walked in line with the rest of the participants. About halfway up the hill, I could tell this was going to be a long walk. Pam was having a hard time, and rightfully so, she was pushing an extra 70 pounds. We grouped up and allowed the "real" runners to take their places at the front. I tried to get in the middle of the whole group, behind the runners and ahead of the walkers. I figured that by being positioned there, I could keep a good pace. I also wanted to be in that position for another reason. If I couldn't keep up with the runners, I could at least beat the walkers. That competitive nature of mine was sneaking up.

The race started and the runners took off. Jealousy overwhelmed me. I wanted to run, but there was no way I could do that today. Baby steps, Jeremy, baby steps. As we walked, people were passing us left and right. That irritated me a bit. I wanted to start strong and finish ahead of everyone, but I knew that herding the boys would definitely slow me down today. Pam could tell that I was irritated. I left my watch at home, so I couldn't keep up with my pace, so that irritated me even more. She knew what was going on in my head. She told me to go ahead of them and walk at whatever pace I wanted. I decided to do that, and picked up some speed. The boys followed me. They don't like to lose either.

We sped up and started passing people. We made the first turn into the trail that we would be walking for the race. I looked back and saw that Pam and Beth were at the tail end of the pack. Pam was pushing the stroller and talking to Beth and just enjoying the walk. I felt stupid. This wasn't a race for me. It wasn't about beating someone and being the fastest, it was about finishing. It was about courage. It was about doing something that I have never done before. I wanted to be with Pam when I did it. I slowed down and waited for her to catch up. She said, "You could have gone on, we were fine back here." I wasn't fine, but I didn't tell her that. I was ashamed of the way I acted. I started walking and enjoying the time and conversation.

The trail twisted and turned through some light brush and trees. We passed by the new playground they are building. We hit our first really big hill. Pam pushed the boys as hard as she could up that hill. It was a big one, I was winded just walking up it by myself. Pam had a real hard time with those chunky boys of ours. The thought had occurred to me to push the boys myself. There are two reasons I didn't want to do that. One, strollers aren't for tall people. They make those things for people under six foot tall. Since I am 6'4", I have to bend over and push it, which is one of the most uncomfortable positions to walk in that you can imagine. It feels like your back is in the shape of a question mark. The second reason I didn't want to push it is, well, it's a guy thing. I didn't want to have to take a punch on the my Man Card. I felt bad for Pam though. I knew that if we were going to hit a lot more of those hills, it was not going to be a fun time. I took the reigns of the stroller, Man Card punched, and kept walking. 

We walked by a lake that looked like it was about to dry up. That didn't stop one optimistic fisherman. He was casting his line in as walked by, hoping to catch the very last of the fish that resided in the dying lake. The trail turned at the end of what use to be the edge of the lake and went through a pass surrounded by trees. At the end, it opened up to a large lake. I wondered what stopped the fisherman from fishing here instead of the nearly dried up one. There was a group of people huddled together standing at the edge of the water.  Odd, but then I saw one looking through a pair of binoculars. Birdwatchers. I don;t think I have ever seen an official group of birdwatchers. It felt awkward seeing these people, because their activity was as foreign to me as the runners. They buzzed with excitement over something in the distance and were speaking in their little bird language. Something as inconsequential as a bird was something rare and exciting to them. It made me wish I could get excited about small things like that. I almost wanted to stop and see what the big deal was, but I was there to walk, so I kept going.

We walked around the lake. The boys were feeling good. I think if I let Joe, he would have run the whole thing. He was running circles around us as we were walking. On the other side of the lake, the park had planted several trees and put what type of tree it was on a plaque in front of them. I like to make up stories about how things get their name. Pam likes to here them. "Jeremy. why do they call this a Silver Maple?" "Because that's where you get silver syrup." Stupid stuff like that. The cherry tree had been cut down, and we had assumed George Washington had been there. Our comedy session ended and we kept walking.

1.5 miles. That's what the marker said as we reached it. Halfway there. That fact was followed by different responses. There was a "Yesssssss" from Joe, a "Only halfway, I thought we were almost done!" from Noah, a sigh and sort of a muffled grunt from Pam, Chance said something about going out to eat when we finished. I just wanted my watch. I wanted to know the time. I was still obsessing a little bit about the pace. It was disheartening to see the rest of the group ahead of us get further and further away. We caught up with some stragglers and passed by them. Noah said that he couldn't walk much further, because he would get too skinny. He pushed on.

We were at the north leg of the trail. It has trees on the right and road on the left. Cars passed by as we pressed on. We walked down a winding hill then back up the other side. As we walked, I heard something make a loud noise behind us. I didn't stop. It got closer, it almost sounded like a big bird squawking, but I ignored it. A third day it called, this time, I was able to interpret it's call. "On your left!" I looked to my left, thinking someone was trying to warn me of an incoming frisbee or perhaps a ill struck golf ball. "On your left!" Again the warning was sounded, and I looked back to see a woman on a mountain bike coming down a hill. She was equipped for for riding, with the biking suit, helmet, glasses, and a bike that probably cost more than my car. I slowly edged over to the right as far as I could, and the biker came barrelling through, quietly gving us a thanks for not ruining her pace as she went by. I thought mountain bikes were made for dirt trails, not concrete. This was a day of very confused people.

We got to the first (and only) water station. it was about a mile from the end of the 5k. We picked up a cup each and kept going. Johnny was finally getting a bit restless. He was ready to get down and do something. Not much further, so we gave him his cup and kept going. I gave the reigns of the stroller over to Chance, hoping we didn't run into any more bikers. Pam took the camera out and we started taking pictures, mostly action shot of us walking. We walked by the playground that was under construction and knew we were at the tail end of the race. We were confused as to which way to go, so we off roaded it with a group that was slightly ahead of us and walked behind them. This led us to a wide road. We walked and saw another group of participants on a trail to our right. We must have taken a wrong turn. We thought about off roading it and joining them, but we decided to stay on the road and keep going. As we hit the top of the hill, we could see the finish line ahead of us. The boys started jumping up and down with joy. They wanted to run to it, so we let them. When Joe got to the end, he fell to his knees in victory. He did what I felt like doing. We did it. 5k. Officially, 5k. 1 hour, 7 minutes flat.

I found out from one of the race coordinators later that lots of people took a wrong turn where we did. We actually ended up doing a 5.2k, but I am not one to get caught up with details. Yes, I am, but hey, I did a 5k. The first of many, hopefully. My next goal is to run one. Time to get training.

Vacation

Vacation has come and gone. Here's what I have done, and my excuse for not posting:
-Tore out and rebuilt the subfloor in the kitchen. Tiled and grouted, installed transitions.
-Painted over Johnny's "Clues" in the living room.
-Repainted the hall
-Repainted the bathroom. Repaired the broken tile. Put in a cushy toilet seat (I have a sensitive bottom).
-Repainted our new bedroom. Installed a new ceiling fan.
-Repainted the boys' new room.
-Repaired the tile in the back bathroom.

I think that's all. If I did anymore, I am too tired to remember it now. Tomorrow will be filled with basketball watching and Xbox.

I bought some new pants today. I am down 2 pant sizes. It may be pathetic, but I look forward to the day that I can buy pants from Walmart. I am tired of Big and Tall stores, or what I like to call "Fat and Freak". 6 more sizes and I am there.

Weigh Day 4...delayed

So yeah, I've been a little busy. I tore out out the kitchen floor and replaced it. Here's the update:

I measured, I am down 4 inches, waist size is now 66"

I weighed, I gained 2 pounds.

Weird, just weird. Not really worried about the weight gain, because I LOST 4 inches. 5k is this Saturday, so I am pretty pumped. This floor job was a nice work out. Should see some more significant changes next weigh time.

By the way, none of my clothes fit.

The Accidental 5k

I didn't think I was going to get to walk this morning. Tuesday is full of meetings and playing catch up in the afternoon because of the meetings. I thought that I would try to get one in at lunch, but the clouds in the sky looked as though they had different plans. That was confirmed on my way back to the Colony when it started sprinkling. About ten minutes after I got back to the office, it was a full on rain. Sad...

I spent my 11 o'clock meeting talking to the team and trying to figure out what I was going to do for exercise. The rain kept coming heavy, so I dismissed any hope of walking at lunch. I finished my meeting and headed back to the main building for lunch. Lunch consisted of a small bowl of chili, a couple of crackers, apiece of bread and an apple. When I finished eating I walked outside and found that the rain stopped and the sky had lightened up. Hope. I reached down into my jacket pocket to get the ipod cranked up to start walking and...

It wasn't there.

Now, I don't walk without my ipod. I have mentioned time and again how I despise hearing my own breathing as I walk. It might sound weird, but it's just, well, boring. I had to walk today, I had to. I needed something to get my momentum back in swing. Pam called me as soon as I started walking and told me that my ipod was at the house. It must have fell out of my pocket before I left. We talked as I walked, but our conversation was interrupted by a rumbling from afar. The rumbling got louder and louder. I thought it was thunder, but it wasn't. It was...steps...footsteps...running...fast....

I turned around and Country, my helper on the crew was running up behind me with a couple of bags of chips. He finally slowed to a stop when he got to me. "You gonna walk with me?" "Sure," he said. "What's the chips for?" "In case I got hungry." He's pretty deep. I love him to death.

We walked and talked around the first lap. As we walked by the main building, Mountain walked outside and joined our group. We kept walking and talking. I was keeping up with the lap numbers until lap 5. I think the conversation got pretty deep around then, and I started focusing on my answers.

We walked and walked and walked. I looked at my watch and saw that I had time for one more lap. "Is this lap 8?" I asked. "Nope, lap 9," Mountain replied. "What? Lap 9? Are you sure?" "Yep, you are ahead of me one lap. I am at lap 8, you are on lap 9." "Country, what lap are we on?" "I don't know, you didn't tell me to count." "Okay, number 9 it is!"

I walked the last lap feeling very good. I wasn't tired. I wasn't going to pass out. I felt, victorious. It's been hanging over my head for weeks now, and despite my best efforts to plan it, I was finally walking a self imposed 5k. Accidentally, but I did it, and it felt good.

We rounded the corner and were on the finally leg of the track to the shop. The road tees into a side road the runs beside my shop. I told one of the guys that I call that Amen Corner (not to be confused with the other Amen Corner). He asked me why I called it that, and I said, "That's where the walk ends. God gets me to the end of the walk, and I have to say 'Amen'". I was so happy to see it. The fact that I saw it 9 times in one walk was even better. I couldn't help it, I ran to it. When I got to the end, I raised my arms up in victory. I did it. 5k in less than an hour. Very satisfying.

So that's how my day was. Oh, and I can wear a 4XL shirt now. I need a 4 XLT, because I am tall, but I dug one out this morning to wear as an undershirt, and it fits. Pam says it looks good on me, so you are going to have to trust her word on it. Very good day.

Two Steps Forward...

Been busy renovating, so here's the update...

So, to be totally honest, it has been a crappy couple of days. The thing about victory is the thought that you are invincible. When you have worked hard and achieved some success, you think you deserve some time off. When you have been eating Lean Cuisines for weeks, you think you deserve some pizza. Maybe even some Chinese food. And then, as soon as you let your guard down, you get hit hard.

But this time, I refuse to stay down.

I really have to accept that this isn't a temporary fix or a band-aid, this is the way life is going to be from now on. I can't lose all the weight and go back to eating the old crap I used to or quit exercising, or I will be back to where I am now. I have got to get sick and tired of being this way. And I am. I am so tired of it. I just want to be done with it all.

Well enough of that. I just needed to confess and vent. Tomorrow is a new day. Weigh day is 4 days away. I am prepared to suck bad. I will try a last minute effort to lose as much as possible. I see some painful ankles and knees in my future.

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs

It was another beautiful day at the Colony. It was a great day to walk. I really didn't want to, but my trusty accountability partner decided he wasn't going to let me slack, so I started up the ipod and started stepping.

It didn't take long before I was thinking about stopping. I twisted my ankle a couple of days ago and it was hurting me. When I walked yesterday, it gave me trouble the first 2/3 of a mile. I walked through it and made it 2 miles. This morning it hurt worse than yesterday. I wanted to stop, but Mountain kept on me. "We've got to do 7 laps today." "Ummmmm, no," I replied. "Come on man, no slacking, we got to keep up the pace." "Yeah, 6 laps is the new pace for this week," I reminded him. "Come on man, we can do 7 and run." "You can do 7 and run, you jerk." Okay, I didn't say the jerk part, but it takes a lot to move 450 pounds 2  miles a day. He doesn't understand, but hey, he is doing what I asked him to do when I started this thing, so he's being a good friend.

The walk started like it always does, we walked at a pretty steady pace, a little slower than usual because of the ankle. ipod was not cooperating at all. Slow song, slow song, medium, then slow. It was killing what little desire I had to walk. The good part was that the pain ended by the end of the first lap. Now I had to deal with the nagging voice in the back of my head saying, "I don't want to walk, I don't want to walk, I don't want to walk."

Lap 2 went by without incident. By the time lap 2 comes around, I am trying to calculate how much time I have and what pace I need to walk to get in 2 miles. I am always trying to walk for at least 30 minutes, but I really want to go for the distance as well. I knew there was no way I would be able to fit the whole 2 miles in. The ankle pain was slowly creeping back, and it was keeping me from getting the pace I wanted.

Lap 3 came and went. Lap 4 started and I had 10 minutes left. I can get a solid 2 laps in 10 minutes if I push it. I tried to walk a little different to get my pace up. Just a slight push off at the end of my step to keep it from hurting, even get a little extension in it because it was tightening up. We turned the corner and headed up toward the shop. I saw the guys standing outside around the bell at the main campus. One of them were heading back to the Mission today. He finished his time here and was moving on. He stopped by my office yesterday and talked about how excited he was and how terrifying it is doing something entirely new. I know the feeling.

We walked on. Mountain raised his arms up in the air. Weird. I thought he was just stretching his back. I really wasn't sure what he was doing. He looked like a bird dying midflight. Mountain does weird things sometimes, so I didn't vocalize my concerns. Walk, just walk.

We walked past the shop and then headed back for the main building. I looked at the time. 3 minutes. Urg. One more, I have one more in me. Forget the knee, forget the weird Mountain dead bird dance, forget that ipod wanted to play Jewel every 3 songs (Yes, Jewel is on my ipod, don't judge me.), just walk. We headed by the pastor's office and then towards the laundry room. As we made it to the corner of the  laundry room, shouts erupted from nowhere. It sounded like a large crowd had just jumped up for joy because their team had just scored a winning basket. I looked to my left, and the entire Colony had gotten together and surprised me with a triumphant cheer and a sign:

A handmade, autographed sign from all of the men at the Colony. I told them about the Biggest Loser thing this past weekend. They were bummed out that I didn't make it, so they did this to show that they support me. I was blown away. I even cried a little, but I waited until I was in my office.

Afterwards, everything that happened made sense. Mountain was pushing me because the guys had planned this. The whole dying bird ballet on lap 4 was a sign to the guys to hide, we were on the way. I had even caught the guys the day before planning the whole thing and I didn't realize it. I would tell the story from my helper's point of view, but there is no way I can do it justice. He is a big ole country boy from the woods, and he told me about them trying to coordinate the whole thing, and you have to hear it to really do it justice.

It is amazing how God send encouragement when you really need it. And it is really heartwarming to see guys that you try so hard to reach do some reaching of their own. I really do love the guys that come through here, and it was nice to see that they realize that. Now, I have 46 more reasons to keep going strong.





So close, yet so far...

I was a maybe.

That's right, I found out that my name was in the maybe pile for the show. Urg. As tempted as I am to send a video to see if I can get on there, I think I will just stay home and do it myself. I think God wants it that way. If I do it on the show, the show will get the glory. If I do it here, God will get the glory. Plus, there is a lot to be said about the perservering, character building moments I know God has in store for me by doing it with His help rather than Bob or Jillian's.

5k is three weeks away. Yikes. I am ready, but I wish I was more ready. Is that possible? i think I just need to pull a Nike and "Just do it".

Food is getting the best of me the last couple of days, but I am still staying active. I am not back in my old 3500 calorie days, but I know I am going over 1800. Gotta get back on track, and there is no time better than right now.

Walking is sucking worse and worse. Starting off is always rough. After the first mile, it eases up, but that first mile is AWFUL. I am finding myself constantly having to mentally prepare for that first mile. Hopefully this is just a phase and will pass soon.

I have a new favorite facebook app called "I Just Walked" It keeps tabs of my walks and rubs it in everyone's face that I did it. Well, I make it sound bad, basically it just posts on your wall info about your walk.

I am very ipod dependant, too. It is borderline unhealthy. I was actually considering not walking this morning when I saw how much battery life my ipod had. It lived through the walk, and is charging now. There is nothing that will kill exercise more than having to listen to yourself breath for 45 minutes.

Well, time for some reading then off to bed. Be looking for my latest walk news on facebook, and I'll see you later!

The Interview

As I drove down I-65, all I could do was pray that this was the right thing to do. I prayed that God would just make it clear to me the path He had for me. I had finally become content with whatever He threw my way.

A loud sound caught my attention immediately. My first thought was that I had a flat tire. I remember praying, "God, there are other ways to get my attention other than a flat tire." I pulled over and looked around and found the luggage carrier on top of the car was a little loose. I wasn't too convinced that this was a sign as much as it was me being stupid and not strapping the thing down tight enough before I left the house. I ratcheted the strap down a little more, got back in my car and drove on.

I arrived at my exit and turned on Union. I drove over the river and through the S curve that entered what is officially downtown Nashville. It always amazes me to drive through downtown on the weekend. During the week, the area is full of people, lawyers and lawmakers, suspects and victims, guilty and innocent. The homeless walk by mostly unnoticed by those who see them everyday. But on the weekend, everyone seems to come down and look at what has been left behind. Photographers on corners take pictures of buildings. Tourists walk around admiring the architecture and stop to enjoy food and drink. And the homeless are still there, restless because they stick out like a sore thumb. During the week, they are invisible because of their familiarity, but on the weekends, they are noticed because of fear and judgemental minds.

I parked at 4th and Charlotte and walked up the street to the War Memorial Auditorium. Nashville has boxes at all of their intersections with speakers on them, piping in country music through the entire downtown area. The walk was filled with excitement and nervousness, I hardly even noticed the steep incline that ended at 6th Avenue. When I arrived at the Auditorium, a protest rally was in full swing. News cameras were all over the place. I was concerned that perhaps some were protesting the casting call. Weird, I know. Of course that was not the case. As I reached the top of the stairs, I noticed a line of people in a courtyard. These people were like me, and I knew that I was in the right place. I went over to the courtyard and found the people who were in charge of processing the hopes and dreams of hundreds of people waiting to prove themselves worthy of just a shot at being happy. I was one of those people, and I had a piece of paper that helped me reach my proving ground a little quicker than everyone else. The lady at the door welcomed me in and handed me paperwork to fill out. I sat down and started writing.

When I finished, I stood and waited for further instructions. The room was filled with lines of people. Excitement was in the air. Everyone was talking and laughing. I saw a couple of ladies dressed alike in Nashville Predators gear. I saw a couple of Indian guys wearing blue shirts and khaki shorts. My first thought was they worked at Best Buy, but I think they were making sure everyone knew they were a team. A guy came by and stood with me. He was a pretty big guy, not just weight but height as well. Being 6'4", I don't look up at a lot of people. This guy was easily 4 inches taller than me. We started talking, and we hit it off right away. I found out he was from Knoxville. "God's country," I said, "And home of the best football team in the nation." He gave me a fist bump and then pulled out a picture of a younger, thinner version of himself in a three point stance wearing the orange and white of the Volunteers. No wonder we hit it off so well.

Another guy joined us. He was from Nashville and had decided the night before to come out and try to realize his dream. He had won a pass off the radio the night before, and had left work early to stand in line with us. He was a college student and a security guard. He was in awe of the whole thing. We all started talking about the questions that may be coming our way. We spent the next hour filling the time with small talk and jokes.

A couple of guys joined our trio after about an hour. They were from South Carolina. I found out later that one of the guys was a contractor and his partner was a lawyer. Contractor looked a little nervous. Agitated, too. Lawyer was pretty friendly. He and I talked a little bit. I think the nerves got the best of all of us.

Another hour passed. The Dream Holders took a break and ate lunch. We stood waiting and watching. They started herding us again. Lines of people went into the room to prove themselves worthy, some rearranging started happening. Progress. We were getting closer. I started talking more and more with Volunteer. He and I had a lot in common. We had the same sense of humor. We actually talked about going in as a team. But as luck would have it, the Holders came out and asked for an individual, and Volunteer joined the lines for the next group in.

Security Guy started talking to the Best Buy guys. Lawyer and I started talking more. We started talking about rescue missions, which I have a lot of experience with. I talked about God's provision and how He has provided for us in these tough times. He talked about how he had seen that with a rescue mission in the town he was from. I could tell Contractor was a little uncomfortable with the conversation. Lawyer enjoyed it, though. We started talking about needs in the cities we are from. We talked about entitlement and religion. I started talking about relationships and Christ. It was awesome.

Another hour passed, and I started questioning the meaning of V.I.P. That is what my pass said. I thought it meant Very Important People. Apparently, the Dream Holders thought it meant Very Intense Patience. Having 6 kids, I already had it, so I was good. They brought more people into the Proving Room. We moved up. We were finally at the door. The nerves were at a peak now. A lot of nervous converations started going on. Security Guy and the Best Buys were cutting up. Another couple of people joined our group as we waited. They were both from near Memphis. The guy was a coach from Bartlett, the lady was from Dyersburg. We talked a little bit, but they didn't seem too interested in talking with me. The Best Buy guys were in charge of the back of the line, and they had everyone's attention.

I decided to listen to them, and they had some interesting stories. One of them had tried out for every season of the Biggest Loser. He had even made it to the Final Interview, just steps away from the Promised Land. The Powers That Be decided he was not ready, so he was not let in. Dyersburg had tried out before, she even had a call back for an on camera interview, only to be banished to the Land of No Further. I, too, know what it is like to wander in the deserts of the Land. I tried to pass these gates before only to be turned away at the entrance. I didn't even get to look inside.

Our time had come. It was time to visit the Dream Holders. They alone had the power to get us through. They alone held the ears of the Powers That Be. It was only through them they we could reach the goal we all wanted to achieve. They sat us at a table and asked us to briefly give a history of who we were, what we did, how much we weighed and how much we wanted to lose. Everyone gave their stories. I was the last to speak. I intentionally planned it that way so I could leave an impression, perhaps do a little more talking. They then asked us why? Why now? Why did we want to change? Everyone gave their answer, nothing real heartbreaking or devastating. I gave my reasons, which I have written here time and time again, to be obedient to God, I must get this part of my life straightened out, how can I help others when I don't get myself straight? The Head Dream Holder seemed interested, he even asked me where I lived and how far that was away from Nashville. I thought that was encouraging. Our time had expired, and it was time for us to leave. The Dream Holders had others to judge, our time had passed.

I walked back to my car, the events of the afternoon playing out before me. The last thing they said to us before we left was, "If you have been chosen, you will be given a call back by 9 this evening." I had spent the past four hours waiting, now I had five more ahead of me. V.I.P. does mean Very Intense Patience. As I walked down to my car, I saw that I had parked at a building that prints Sunday School material. I didn't even realize it. I don't remember the exact phrase because I was in a hurry to get to my car, but it said something to the effect of, "Lessons from the past to mold the future." I liked it. I meant to go by and take a picture of it, but I forgot.

I got to my car and turned my cell phone on. No callback yet. It had only been ten minutes. I didn't leave the killer impression that I had hoped. I drove back to my mom's house hopeful that I found favor in the eyes of the Dream Holders. I felt confident. I walked in to my mom's house and told them what had happened. My sister is a friend of the someone that helped the Dream Holders. She texted her and she said I did well. I was feeling very optimistic.

Time slowly clicked by. Minute by minute. Hour by hour. No word from the Dream Holders. My optimism began to fade and I slowly came back to the Land of Reality. In this land, people have to work for what they want. There are no lottery winners, no Golden Tickets, no Passing Go and collecting $200. This is where real people live. This is where people earn tickets to the Promised Land, the land where the things they want live. I am a citizen of the Land of Reality, I cannot leave it. The Dream Holders made that loud and clear. They did not call to see me again. Banished from their presence forevermore, I returned to my homeland, content with the path that is laid out before me.

Dear NBC,

You just missed out on someone who can write poetically about the weight loss process. So guess what, I get to write a book, and this chapter will be the most amusing one. Thanks for giving me a chapter. No, I won't pay you royalties. Well, maybe if you let me be on The Office, but that would be the only reason.

Thanks,

Jeremy

Weigh Day #3

So, yeah, the day I dreaded finally arrived...

Weigh day.

It's a Catch-22. I am excited to see how I have done, but scared to see if I have done poorly. So how'd I do?

I started the day by measuring myself. I wear a 62 waist jeans, but my actual waist was 72" a week and a half ago. That is very embarrasing to put up here. Anyways, I measured this morning and I am down 2 inches, so that was a good start.

Week 1 weight     464
Week 2 weight     465 (which I guess I'll stick with, urg)
Week 3 weight...........
453
That's right. I lost 12 pounds in 14 days. WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!

I am so relieved. Finally, a big step in the right direction. Momentum is with me, I'm feeling good. Biggest Loser interview is tomorrow, leaving for Nashville later tonight. Lots of prayers needed.

-2 inches, -12 pounds, 14 days, I hope every weigh day's like this.

Slacking

Yeah, I know. It's been a couple of days. In my defense, I have been busy. Well, not terribly busy. Monday we chilled at the house. Yesterday, we went grocery shopping, which I DESPISE. It's not the stores or the shopping, it's the people, especially Wal-Mart. I don't know if it's because I am getting older, or the kids are wearing my patience down to nothingness, or maybe I'm just crabby, but the people in Wal-Mart are what Rick Warren refers to us "EGR" people. Extra grace required. I pray the whole time in that place that I don't lose it on someone.

Anyway, I haven't walked since Friday. Sunday, I played pretty hard. Monday, nothing, Tuesday, basketball at lunch. So this morning, I decided to go ahead and walk. I got out, put the ipod on and started walking. The shuffle picked a pretty upbeat song right away, so I began at a pretty hard pace. It was miserable. I could feel every muscle, every joint, every tendon scream in protest. I was really worried. I thought that I wasn't going to make it. As I made my way around to the gym, I was breathing heavy and was really considering slowing down a bit. I couldn't believe how bad I was hurting from not walking just 4 days. I was beginning to wonder if my new shoes were the culprit. I decided to walk through it and hopefully make my mile and be done with it. I was ticked off. I was up to two miles in a walk, and then my body turned on me because i took a break from walking.

I hit lap 2 and started feeling better. The pain in the legs left and I got my breathing under control. I finished lap 3 and Mountain was looking at me waiting on the cue to wrap it up. I kept going. My ipod stopped playing music, and I freaked out a little. My playlist finished, so I started it back up and kept going. Lap 4 went by quickly, Mountain was looking at me again. I didn't say anything to him, I noticed it out of the corner of my eye. I kept going. Lap 5 felt really good. If I had more time, I could do 5 more. That would be 5k. I can do 5k. I know it. Time wasn't going to allow for it today, but I felt it. I knew I could make it. Lap 6 started, and I slowed down the pace a bit. Mountain tried to talk me into running, and as much as I want to, I need to focus on my endurance for the 5k. I finished the 6th lap strong, making it 2 miles in 35 minutes.

Calories were bad yesterday. I came back today wanting to do well, and I did. Feeling pretty good about weigh day which is 2 days away. Actually, I'm not. I am terrified. Anything is better than I was, I know, but man, I am trying hard. I really want to do well.

Saturday is the big day. I have an appointment with casting people at noon. If you have time to think about it, pray around noon on Saturday that I don't totally mess it up. My father-in-law told Pam the other day that his mom's church is praying for me to get on there. That felt pretty good. I'm just gonna be myself and hope that cuts it. Well, time for another blog on the other site and bed, sooooooooo, later!

Just for Kicks

I am officially registered to walk the Pray Race and Yell For a Cure 5k March 19, 2011, at Shelby Farms.

I am pretty excited. I am hoping to finish the race in less than an hour. I have a lot of work to do. In honor of this occasion, I got some new kicks. Pam and I went shopping yesterday, and Sears had all of their shoes on sell. I got $100 worth of shoes for $45, which is AWESOME. It was meant to be for me to walk, lol.

An awesome day today. We had an after church social at the CLC. We had a blast. I was concerned about going just because of the food. Being Baptist, we have a tendency to eat every time we meet, and when we do, it's usually not food that is good for you. I didn't eat breakfast just in case. But everything there was very healthy, and I had no issues of blowing my calorie count or anything like that. In fact, I went for seconds. Don't worry, it was all fruit.

After we ate, I got to show my mad skills on the basketball court. I came out of retirement and showed Noah my racquetball abilities. He's good, I found out first hand. He nailed me in the crotch from 7 feet away with his forehand. He's still talking about it. I decided to go back into retirement. Next, it was time for me and Mary to  beat my older boys in volleyball. We showed them that together, we were a force to be reckoned with. Both of those boys have "Wilson" tattooed on their head from some pretty vicious spikes. Yeah, I get carried away sometimes. Overall, a pretty eventful time. Jonathan ran around and Sam slept through most of it. Pam played a little volleyball, but decided it was in the best interest of the ceiling tile and rafters of the gym to stop. She is more of an outdoor volleyball person...

A busy week ahead. My normal walking schedule, weigh day is Friday, I am speaking to a youth group Friday night, then off to Nashville for my Biggest Loser thing. I think I am more worried about speaking to the youth group than anything else. Definitely out of my comfort zone. Give me the homeless, drug addicts, recovering drug addicts, adults, young kids, anything, but youth, I don't know. I have found that God seems to work more in situations where I don't know what I am doing, so God is definitely gonna do something awesome Friday night because I definitely don't know what I am doing, lol.

Update

So, I am going to try to get on the Biggest Loser next weekend.

 I have mixed emotions about it. I mean, it would be an awesome opportunity, it would be fun, I am very competitive so I would enjoy that, too. But I love my job here, and I don't want to jeopardize it over something like this. I also worry about things around here like bills and all that stuff. And, most importantly, I am REALLY going to miss Pam and the kids if I get on there. There are a lot of pros and cons. I have to rest in the fact that God is in control, He will do what He wants to do. Quit worrying about tomorrow, tomorrow has enough worries of its own. Take care of the here and now, which, today, is my kids' awful rooms.

Pray with me about this. I am really just wanting God to be glorified in this whole thing. I know I am doing the hard work and everything like that, but the only reason why I am doing it is to be obedient to the Lord so I can be used by Him.

I did time my mile yesterday. My fastest mile (just walking) was 19'24''. I was walking as fast as I could. I would like to try to get it down to 15 minutes by 5k time, but we'll see. I think the only way that would be possible is if I did that speed walking thing, and I have a little too much self respect to look like those guys. They look like ducks walking on hot coals.

Anyways, hope everyone is doing good. Spring is here, time to get with it people. Walk, run, swim, go outside, do something different today that changes your life a little bit. Start small, do it right, grow it strong. Later!

I Walk the Line

Yeah, I woke up late, so I didn't do the self imposed 5k.

Well, that's not entirely true. I did wake up in time to do it. I woke up at 430 with the intentions of doing it. I walked to the bathroom and hurt every step of the way. I think I may have overdone it a bit yesterday. The 2.6 miles wasn't the issue, it was all the sheetrock I pulled down and hauled. So I tried to talk myself into it, but it was a no go. Maybe tomorrow...

I did, however, walk my usual mile. I think I am going to start timing myself to see how long it takes me to walk a mile. It might make that boring walk a little more exciting. It will play to my competitive edge. Eventually I will have to do something besides walk and, well, Dance Central. But there aren't enough songs on there to really keep it going.

I need new shoes. Totally out of the blue, I know. But I realized it today that my shoes are worn out. Put 460 pounds on a pair of shoes for over 100 miles and see how long they last. Not long, especially since there have been a few real hard miles on them here recently.

That's all I got right now. I am about to write another blog on my Mud and Mercy site, so check it out when you get a second: http://www.mudandmercy.blogspot.com/  Later!

It Has Begun

So, it is time to kick it up a notch around here. This nice weather has me motivated. Hopefully, it will stay this way for a while. I am tired of winter.

Last night I bought this watch that does so many things that I can't figure it out. The one thing I do know how to do is use the heart monitor on it. Apparently, when you work out, you want your heart to stay in a certain range so that you are burning the maximum amount of calories. I went for a walk this morning, and my heart beat wasn't in the range. I started jogging until I got there, and finally the beep went off to let me know I was there. I kept on walking and I was able to keep it there for the entire walk. Man, there is another blog in there, but I will save that until later. Anyway, I walked 1.6 miles this morning before I got the kids ready for school. When I got to work, I did another mile before my work day started, which brings me to a grand total of 2.6 miles.

I would like to mention that a few weeks ago, I walked 1.7 miles and it took me over an hour to finish it, Today's morning walk (1.6 miles) took me 25 minutes. Yeah, I killed it, go me.

There are three ways I track my distance:1. Drive it and look at my mileage, 2. Reconfirm it with mapmyrun.com, which I really like, 3. Pedometer on the ipod, which tells me steps and calories burned. Yes, I check every way, I am a numbers guy, remember? If I can figure this watch out, I will have a fourth way, and believe me, I will use it.

I will have more Biggest Loser news later. I am considering it, but there are a lot of factors to think about. I mean, I do have a job that I don't plan on leaving, bills, 6 kids, bills, a wife, bills, you know, things that all need to be taken care of. We'll see how it goes. I hate the fact that everyone has a hard time commenting on this thing. Thanks for all the messages and emails and facebook stuff, I really appreciate it.

Tomorrow, if I wake up in time, I plan on walking a 5k. A self imposed 5k, crazy, yeah, sadistic, probably. There is no time better to start than right now, I mean, it's only half a mile more than I did today, sooooo, I will let you know how it goes tomorrow, if I wake up in time...

A Time to Reflect

So, after the whole scale debacle, I have taken some time off from blogging to think about this whole thing and reflect on the many comments, advice, and encouraging words from everyone. Thanks for all of the encouragement, I really appreciate it.

I don't like to fail, Actually, I am tired of failing. I have tried this over and over again, and I AM NOT going to fail again. It is time for change, and it has already begun. This hiccup isn't going to slow me down. I am just going to press through and hope I loose a lot next time around. Pam and I are going to get a measuring tape so I can measure my equator   waste and see the results along with the weight numbers.

And one more thing, I want to see what everyone thinks about it. I have someone who knows someone who has an inside track on next season's Biggest Loser casting. Now, this isn't a guarantee, so let me get that straight up front, just an opportunity to MAYBE get on the show. I am thinking about doing it, but I want to do it on my own, too. Now, I tried out for the Biggest Loser a few years ago and, of course, didn't make it. It was CRAZY. They took us back there eight at a time and had us answer questions about why we want to be on there, what would we do if we lost the weight, etc. This one girl in our group stripped down to this two piece bathing suit that she had no business wearing with this picture of Halle Berry wearing the same thing (and it was probably the same size). She told the casting people that she wanted to look like her in the bathing suit she was wearing. After that, I would've forgotten the whole group I was in, too. Anyways, any thoughts?

How is this possible?

I woke up this morning in a great mood and full of anticipation. Weigh day. It's the day where I get to see all the results of my hard work and discipline. All of the 1800 calorie days, all of the walking, the ball playing, all of it to culminate at this very critical point. As you know, this was the first weigh day I have had since starting this three weeks ago. I weighed two weeks ago at 464 pounds. I am trying for 1 pound a day, which is very optimistic, but that's the goal. I've done all of the math, and have figured out what I need to do to lose it, and I have had a couple of days where I haven't been as strong as I should have been. But I have seen a lot of results. My ring is sliding off my finger, my clothes aren't fitting as tight as they used too, I have a chestbone (yesssssss! lol), I am jogging, so I know there are things that are moving in the right direction. With that being said, I was really looking to be 10 pounds lighter this week.

I went through my usual routine this morning of showering and getting dressed. I put on one of my shirts, which was looser than it was the last time I wore it, so I was really getting excited. I put on an old pair of blue jeans that I hadn't wore in a while. I put on my belt, which is really for looks now because I can't get it tight enough to hold me jeans up anymore. I put on my boots and laced them up to the top, which is awesome. My legs used to be so big that I couldn't lace boots up completely, so I would leave the higher parts of the boot, where my ankle is, unlaced. It was going to be a good day. I walked out of the house feeling lighter than ever, knowing I was going to conquer this day.

I went in to work and got everything started up for the day. Things were going smoothly. I went to lunch and visited the doctor's office to weigh in. I walked through the ice covered parking lot with ease. There used to be a time where I would freak out about walking on ice. A big guy like me has very bad balance. But I walked across the ice confidently, slipping occasionally but catching myself every time. "I couldn't do that a couple of weeks ago," I thought as I opened the door to the office. I knew this would be awesome.

I walked in and greeted the receptionist as I always do. I asked her if I could just walk on back and weigh, and she had no problem  with that. I walked to the back and hopped on the scale, excited and ready to see the results. The numbers blanked out then flashed up to reveal...465. 465. I had gained a pound.

What? What? How could this have happened? This was mathematically impossible. I had cut my calorie intake down. That alone should have resulted in some weight loss. Even my bad days weren't that bad. I never went over 2500 calories. And then, all of the exercise I have been getting. I mean, miles walked, miles run, hours of ball playing. I had increased my activity. That should have resulted in weight loss, too. But combine the two, and I should have lost something. But no, I had gained a pound. I was crushed. I walked back to my van and drove off. The first thing I did was call Pam.
"You're not going to believe this."
"What"
"I just left the doctor's office"
"Mhm, and how'd you do?"
"I gained a pound."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I don't get it. How is this possible?"
"Are you wearing anything different? Your coat?"
"Nope, well, my boots, but they can't weigh that much."
"We'll weigh them and see later."
"No, I still have a little time for lunch break, I'm coming by now."

I had to have answers. I had to know what went wrong. I had to, well, try something. So I went home real quick and weighed the boots. We figured they weigh 3.5 pounds. My shoes weigh one pound. So, doing the math, I have lost 1.5 pounds. Two weeks of work, 1.5 pounds. .1 pound a day. 1/10 of what I had hoped. I am disappointed, upset, angry, aggravated, and a whole lot of things. Above all, though, I am frustrated. I am frustrated at the fact that I have worked hard in hopes of some real concrete change. I am a numbers guy, numbers equal results, and I didn't get that. I am frustrated at the fact that I am actually doing this the right way for once. Sure, there are easier ways to do this, weight watchers, slim fast, pills, and stuff like that. And I know for a fact that these things work because I have done them before. But to actually eat healthy, to exercise, and to live a better lifestyle and see this happen is very frustrating.

I appreciate all the kind words everyone has said that has already heard about this. I know that muscle weighs more than fat and everything I have been doing has added muscle. I know that I have lost inches and those should be considered victory, too. People have seen me and have said that they can tell I am losing, and I feel better, and I am getting around better. All of these things are good, and these are things that are going to keep me going strong. It is a bit disheartening, though. Down 1.5 pounds. Let's hope it's a start to many more!

Happy Birthday Pam

A story that I must share...

I didn't date that much when I was a teenager. I went to three different schools in three years, so I didn't really get to know many people that well. I was a bit shy, too. I know for those of you who know me now, that is hard to believe, but trust me, I was. When I was 17, I made a decision to rededicate my life to the Lord, and I wanted everything to about Him. I even wanted the girl that I was to date, and hopefully marry, to be someone that God wanted me to be with.

With that in mind, I prayed specifically for the woman that I would someday marry. I prayed that God would send someone who would help me grow spiritually. I prayed that God would send me someone who would love me unconditionally. I prayed that God would send me someone who was a good mother to our children. I even prayed that God would send me a sign that it was the right person for me. I prayed that she would have the same name as my mom, whom I love dearly and has endured a lot and I have the utmost respect for.

Well, God's timing never seems to run with my timing. I thought that since I was seeking the Lord in this matter, he would answer this prayer right away. Guess what? He didn't. Eventually, I got tired of waiting on God. I got tired of God period. I decided that I wanted to do things my way because His way was just too hard and I wasn't getting anything out of it. I can remember saying to Him, "God, I am doing all of these things for you, why don't You do something for me? Everyone else gets what they wan, and I am better than them, why don't you bless me?" That prideful, self absorbed attitude got the best of me, and I strayed from God, I quit going to church, and I surrounded myself with a bunch of people that I had no business being around. I started drinking and partying a lot. I turned my back on God completely and knew that I wasn't going back.

A couple of years of partying and drinking caught up with me. I was feeling awful about myself. All of these things that I thought were fun and I was finding fulfillment in were becoming empty and meaningless. I realized that the things that I were doing were killing me. I remember the worst night I ever experienced was Halloween 13 years ago. I drank so much that I blacked out. I woke up the next day at my place not knowing how I got there, what time I got there, who brought me home, nothing. It was terrifying, I remember praying to God that morning, in the floor of my living room, "God, I know we haven't spoke in a while. I messed up, and I don't want to change. God help me, make me change." He answered that prayer later that day.

A friend of my roommate's came over to decorate for someone's birthday party that we were having. When I saw her, I knew there was something about her. I would say it was love at first sight, but I don't want to sound too much like a girl. Anyway, we started talking, and I just knew, I knew that there was something about her. I knew that she was the girl that God wanted me to be with. I was then reminded about the prayer I prayed 4 years prior for the girl that God wanted me to be with. And do you remember that last part, the part about her name? Well, that girl that was decorating my house was Pam, which, incidentally, is also my mom's name.

Pam and I started dating a few weeks after that. After we dated about a month, I asked her to marry me in probably the most unromantic way possible. We were talking one day, and she said, "Let's start going to church." And we did. I got things straightened out with God and He restored me in ways I could have never thought possible. We got married after being engaged for two years, and have been together every since.

Today is her birthday, and I usually do something funny or romantic for her (to make up for the crappy way I proposed, lol). So this is my romantic gift for her this year, to tell our story to everyone who reads this. I also want to say this:

Pam, I love you more than you can possibly fathom. I have been so blessed to have you in my life, and not a minute goes by that I don't think about you. God sent you when I needed you the most. You are a great mom to our children and have been there for me through thick and thin. Words cannot express how much you mean to me. I am a better man because of you. Thank you for everything you do. Your support, your kindness, and your love mean so much to me. I thank God for this day, because this is the day that He put you here, my reason for breathing. I love you so much, and by the way, happy birthday!