Happy Birthday Pam

A story that I must share...

I didn't date that much when I was a teenager. I went to three different schools in three years, so I didn't really get to know many people that well. I was a bit shy, too. I know for those of you who know me now, that is hard to believe, but trust me, I was. When I was 17, I made a decision to rededicate my life to the Lord, and I wanted everything to about Him. I even wanted the girl that I was to date, and hopefully marry, to be someone that God wanted me to be with.

With that in mind, I prayed specifically for the woman that I would someday marry. I prayed that God would send someone who would help me grow spiritually. I prayed that God would send me someone who would love me unconditionally. I prayed that God would send me someone who was a good mother to our children. I even prayed that God would send me a sign that it was the right person for me. I prayed that she would have the same name as my mom, whom I love dearly and has endured a lot and I have the utmost respect for.

Well, God's timing never seems to run with my timing. I thought that since I was seeking the Lord in this matter, he would answer this prayer right away. Guess what? He didn't. Eventually, I got tired of waiting on God. I got tired of God period. I decided that I wanted to do things my way because His way was just too hard and I wasn't getting anything out of it. I can remember saying to Him, "God, I am doing all of these things for you, why don't You do something for me? Everyone else gets what they wan, and I am better than them, why don't you bless me?" That prideful, self absorbed attitude got the best of me, and I strayed from God, I quit going to church, and I surrounded myself with a bunch of people that I had no business being around. I started drinking and partying a lot. I turned my back on God completely and knew that I wasn't going back.

A couple of years of partying and drinking caught up with me. I was feeling awful about myself. All of these things that I thought were fun and I was finding fulfillment in were becoming empty and meaningless. I realized that the things that I were doing were killing me. I remember the worst night I ever experienced was Halloween 13 years ago. I drank so much that I blacked out. I woke up the next day at my place not knowing how I got there, what time I got there, who brought me home, nothing. It was terrifying, I remember praying to God that morning, in the floor of my living room, "God, I know we haven't spoke in a while. I messed up, and I don't want to change. God help me, make me change." He answered that prayer later that day.

A friend of my roommate's came over to decorate for someone's birthday party that we were having. When I saw her, I knew there was something about her. I would say it was love at first sight, but I don't want to sound too much like a girl. Anyway, we started talking, and I just knew, I knew that there was something about her. I knew that she was the girl that God wanted me to be with. I was then reminded about the prayer I prayed 4 years prior for the girl that God wanted me to be with. And do you remember that last part, the part about her name? Well, that girl that was decorating my house was Pam, which, incidentally, is also my mom's name.

Pam and I started dating a few weeks after that. After we dated about a month, I asked her to marry me in probably the most unromantic way possible. We were talking one day, and she said, "Let's start going to church." And we did. I got things straightened out with God and He restored me in ways I could have never thought possible. We got married after being engaged for two years, and have been together every since.

Today is her birthday, and I usually do something funny or romantic for her (to make up for the crappy way I proposed, lol). So this is my romantic gift for her this year, to tell our story to everyone who reads this. I also want to say this:

Pam, I love you more than you can possibly fathom. I have been so blessed to have you in my life, and not a minute goes by that I don't think about you. God sent you when I needed you the most. You are a great mom to our children and have been there for me through thick and thin. Words cannot express how much you mean to me. I am a better man because of you. Thank you for everything you do. Your support, your kindness, and your love mean so much to me. I thank God for this day, because this is the day that He put you here, my reason for breathing. I love you so much, and by the way, happy birthday!