Another great day. According the Calorie Counter, I am at 1800, so that means STOP EATING!!!!
I know in past blogs I have mentioned the fact that I am continually hungry since I started this. I think that I am wrong. I am not hungry. I want to eat. I want to eat bad. I don't have that pain in the stomach that is associated with hunger. I have a physical desire to eat, to taste, to chew. I can't tell you the countless times I drove by drive thrus and gas stations thinking about hamburgers and candy bars. How pathetic is that?
I told Pam the other day that I really have a problem with food. I plan days around food, where I am going to eat, what I am going to eat. This first thought in the morning is "Breakfast." Driving into work, "Lunch." After lunch, I am thinking about dinner. After dinner, what do we have that's sweet? Continually shovelling food all day, miserable.
So, describing it makes it sound like what some of the guys in our program describe as their addictions. Is it possible to be addicted to food? I think so. It is even harder, because you have to eat. So how do you handle an addiction you have to have in order to survive? I'm working on that. I can tell you this, I am having to realize that feeling full does not mean the meal is done, the meal was dome a long time ago. You eat to sustain, not to indulge. I cannot find pleasure in food because I will never find it. That's why I eat more and more.
It's a work in progress, 1800 calories for the third day in a row, go me. I walked a mile today, might walk again later...or play Dance Central. As I was typing that, I think I heard my legs scream, "Nooooooooooo!"
You are not alone in your journey. As you know, I have struggled with weight as well. So today I decided I would trudge on over to the office gym and work out again. As I was doing pulls on the bowflex-type machine, I was saying "this is for you Jeremy." Finally, the office manager came down to see if I was okay. Here's to a healthier us!
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