More running...

Want to hear something funny?

I went to church Sunday and guess what we talked about? Running. God is so awesome. His timing is perfect.

So apparently the word run comes from the Greek word "agon", which we get the word "agony" from. Ironic.

There were three Scripture references about running that our pastor gave:

Isaiah 40:31 says "but those who hope are in the Lord shall renew their strength. They will soar with wings like eagles, they will run and not be weary, they will walk and not be faint." Hmmmm, sounds like I have a new life verse. Basically, the verse says that our human weakness will give way to God's strngth when we rely on Him. Unfortunately, it does not mean that when I am tired of walking that God is going to give me new legs, feet and back to walk...

1 Corinthians 9:24-25 says, "Do you not know that in a race all runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get a prize. Everyone who competes in the game goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever." A lot of stuff in this verse. 1. Strict training: Read God's Word, and put into practice. Practice, practice practice... 2. Live a life like you are competing for the prize, which is a prize that lasts forever, eternal life.

Galatians 5:7 says "You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth?" So, basically, run towards the prize and don't let anyone get in your way.

So there, running, not just physically but spiritually as well. Another good day, 1800 cals, walked 1.5 miles and played about 45 minutes of basketball today.

Playing catchup...

I don't really know what happened yesterday. I laid down on the couch around 7 o'clock, went to sleep, and didn't wake up until 11. That is when I moved to the bed and slept until 7 this morning.

So here's what happened yesterday, complete with visual aids:

It started off pretty rough. Pam wanted me to cook breakfast. "What would you like, honey?"

That's right, bacon. My wife is so supportive. I didn't eat a piece. Well, I had one small bite, but that was all.

We then went to the zoo, where I did my walking for the day:

Johnny didn't think I was working hard enough, so he decided to start me on some weight training:

We walked around the zoo for a couple of hours. Sam and decided to hang out and joke around a bit.

So, this pic really shows how fat my face is. But Sam doesn't care about that. He loves me anyway...

After that, we went home, had lunch and chilled at the house. The kids had a birthday party last night, and I did pretty good. No cake nor ice cream, but I did have some sausage balls and pigs in a blanket. Total calorie count for the day isn't real known for sure, but I didn't overdo it though.

I have to be honest though, it is getting hard. My body is aching so bad, I am thinking from playing softball Friday. I am getting a little too comfortable about my eating. I'll take a little extra bite here and there, or I'll go by and take a bite from one of the kids, and I don't add that stuff in. I've taken a lot of ground, and I don't want to give it back. Today, I am taking the day off from walking to recover a bit. I'll be back solid tomorrow.

Today has been good, 2 o'clock and sitting at 1000 calories. Keep on commenting and let me know how you're doing!

Well, it's offical...

464

I weigh 464 pounds. I know, I know, that is a big number. I am actually okay with it, I weighed 476 last summer. I am not at my heaviest, which is a plus. I am still HUGE, but hey, I am working on that.

I had another awesome day. 2000 calories today, a little over the normal, but still manageable. I did manage to walk 9/10 of a mile today, and the I JOGGED 1/10th. OK, I know that doesn't sound major, but it is to me. I also played an hour and a half of softball with the guys at the Colony today. I hit balls to them while they fielded and threw around. It felt good to get out there, it was such a nice day.

I know it may seem boring to read the same ole' stuff over and over. I am going to try to spice things up with pics and stuff. My self esteem isn't the greatest right now, but as the weight comes off, I'll post some. So to change things up, I decided to share some goals for the year:

1. Lose 100 pounds by my birthday, May 21 (113 days away)
2. Lose 200 pounds by the end of the year (goal weight 260)
3. Run a mile
4. Buy clothes from a store that does not have the words "big" or "tall" in it.
5. Go to the fair and ride something

Okay, let me same something about that last one. You might know this, but you can't ride stuff being my size. I haven't been able to ride anything since I was about 20 years old  (around 300 pounds). I remember the first time this really upset me. Pam and I went to the fair the first year we started dating. Pam LOVES the fair. We started off by walking through and looking at everything. Then, we got to the rides. When we went to get on one, the guy told me I was to big to ride it. At this point, I was probably 350 pounds, maybe 375. It was so humiliating. We went through the rest of the evening bummed out because I really couldn't do anything. I remember coming home and crying about that. I was so embarrased. I have hated the fair ever since. Pam always wants to go and I am constantly trying to talk her out of it. This year, I want to fix years of disappointment.

Anyway, so there's what's going on. Feel free to comment or share, see you guys later. 

Questions, comments, remarks...

I didn't get by the doc's office to weigh. I got real busy and couldn't squeeze it in. Maybe tomorrow...

In the meantime, I had another great day. I only did a mile today, but that was a mile more than last Thursday, so I'm good with that. 1800 calorie day again. As a side note, I am feeling REALLY good. I actually kinda feeling lighter, that may be because of all the exercise though. It feels good regardless. And I really appreciate all the comments, facebook likes, phone calls and conversations I've had about this all week. It is really encouraging and makes me want to keep it going.

I've had questions about leaving comments. Apparently, you have to make a google  account in order to leave comments on my blog. Some of you don't want to deal with the hassle, and I can surely appreciate that (slackers). But if you would like to contact me and you don't have a facebook (are there people who actually don't have a facebook?), feel free to email me: bigjerm521@yahoo.com

A thought just occured to me. Once I lose all this weight, I might have to change my email address. Maybe "notsobigjerm" or "usedtobebigjerm" or "theartistformerlyknownasbigjerm521"...Any suggestions?

My sister emailed me earlier with some advice that was much appreciated. I love you sis!

And I would like to end my post by sharing a conversation that Pam had with a friend of ours about me losing the weight. He said that it would be nearly impossible for me to lose 100 pounds in 100 days. Pam said that she thought I could do it because she has seen me lose a pound a day before. He said that only really overweight people can pull that off. 1.) Dude, quit being so pessismistic. 2.)Thanks honey, for all of the support. I really appreciate you even though I am not eating anything you cook. 3.) Dude, thanks for the compliment! Apparently, I am not really overweight!

Run, Forrest, Run

I took the night off last night, so I have a lot to report...

Two days ago I had a dream. I woke up early one morning and I got dressed, ready for a real early walk. I went outside, started walking a bit, and then I thought, "Hey, I should jog, just to see how long I last." There were thoughts in the back of my mind that my knee would blow out or my heart couldn't handle it or that I might pass out, but I put those notions to the side and just started running. I ran. It felt great. I made it to the end of the block and thought, "I can go a bit further..." So I kept running. I still felt good. I made it to the end of the next block and was surprised. I could still run. My breathing was great, my heart hadn't exploded, my knee felt good. I made it another block and thought, "Man, I can make it the whole way!" Then I woke up. But that really got me excited about where I am heading. And it also did something else.

I want to run.

Running is something people take for granted. But when you have kids that are very active, it makes you want to run with them. When you coach sports and you're busy telling kids what to do, even though you can't do it yourself, you'll want to run. If you grew up playing sports and now you're at that age when you can get on church leagues and rec leagues and be a legend in your own mind (hehehe), you want to run.

I struggled with this desire all day yesterday. I got in to work and started my day with the mile walk. I was very tempted to do it, but I thought, "Man, that was just a dream. Your knee is going to give, your lungs are gonna cave, and you are going to fall, sucking air, and then your heart is going to explode." So, sadly, I walked. After lunch, I was going to run when I did my afternoon mile, but 2/3 of the way through, I got called to an emergency and had to quit early. That evening, before I left, I thought about it again. I was determined to get two miles in for the day, so I went for my last lap before the end of the day. I was thinking, "Just run it, Jeremy." But then the thoughts came flooding in, limping, suffocating, heart attack, so I walked my lap and headed home.

This morning, I started my walk as planned. Me and my buddy Mountain were going in for our 3 laps for the morning. As we talked about our previous evenings and what we were going to do for the day, we ended our first lap, and I was feeling great. We got into a rhythm the second lap, no talking just feet hitting pavement, flocks of geese flying overhead, and the birds singing in the trees.The third lap, our last lap, came up, and I could hear a voice in me say, "Jeremy, run." I was honestly scared to do it. I ignored and kept walking. We past the ball field, rounded around the gym, headed over by the caboose, and the voice got louder, "Jeremy, run!" No. "Jeremy, run!" Nope. "Jeremy, RUN!" Um, I'm going crazy. "JEREMY, RUN!"

"Mountain, I think I am going to run back to the shop."
"You want to?"
"Yeah, I do."
"Let's do it."

I ran. The whole time I was thinking, knee, air, heart, knee, air, heart. But everything moved. Everything was going. I was breathing. My heart was still beating. My knee was strong. I ran. I ran and it felt great. I rounded the corner to my shop and my pants started falling down. I had to keep one hand on my pants and kept on running. I ran all the way to the door of my shop and stopped. Breathing, check. Knee, still bending. Heart beating, a little faster than normal, but check. I looked back at Mountain and said, "I could have gone further." He asked, "Why didn't you?" "I can't keep my pants up." "We'll start further back tomorrow," he said. I better wear something else.

For me, I am constantly struggling with fear. Fear that I will get hurt, fear that I am not able, fear that I will fail. That is the biggest thing I need to get over if I am going to make this work this time. It's okay if I get hurt, I will heal. It's okay that I am not able, I will learn how, I will work hard, I will try until I can. It's okay if I fail, that is a part of life. The key is not to wallow in self pity and get back up and start again.

I want to run. I will run, I will run far, I will run fast, I will race with my kids, I will play sports, I will do this...

The day in numbers...

The recap:

1600: Calories I ate today (about to add another 200 before I go to bed)
2: Miles walked
4: People I ran into tonight that said they liked my blog
0: Times I felt that bad urge to eat (Praise God)
1: Wife that feels bad so I need to hurry up and get off of here

So, tomorrow I am going to run by a doctor's office and ask if I can use their scale. Kinda scared to see the number, but I look at it this way, it will be the highest that number ever will be. Also, I need a number so I can make some goals. Stayed tuned so you can join in the journey.

Oh, and I have my access card for the fitness center. It's getting good...

Neither snow, nor rain, nor dark of night...

Yeah, I walked. 1 mile, 30 minutes.

Ate a healthy breakfast, too.

I'm gonna kick this day down...

Rain, rain

Go away, I want to walk, but you're in the way...

So then it snows, perfect...

My daily accountability: 1800 calories again (4 days in a row, woohoo!). Still struggling with the whole "I want to eat everything that is not nailed down" thing, but I hope it will pass soon. I took the advice to drink more water, but I drank too much at lunch time and kinda made me sick. It passed soon enough and I was on my way.

It is awesome to hear the encouraging words. 2011 is going to be awesome, I can already see it. Keep up the great work Terry!

And finally, got a good word from the Lord today about self control. Well, it was a good word to me, it may sound like rambling to everyone else. Rather than repost it here, I figured I'd link you up: http://www.mudandmercy.blogspot.com/ Check it out and feel free to leave comments and tell me how you're doing.

Now that the president is done, I will return to watching tv. Later!

Reprogramming...

Another great day. According the Calorie Counter, I am at 1800, so that means STOP EATING!!!!

I know in past blogs I have mentioned the fact that I am continually hungry since I started this. I think that I am wrong. I am not hungry. I want to eat. I want to eat bad. I don't have that pain in the stomach that is associated with hunger. I have a physical desire to eat, to taste, to chew. I can't tell you the countless times I drove by drive thrus and gas stations thinking about hamburgers and candy bars. How pathetic is that?

I told Pam the other day that I really have a problem with food. I plan days around food, where I am going to eat, what I am going to eat.  This first thought in the morning is "Breakfast." Driving into work, "Lunch." After lunch, I am thinking about dinner. After dinner, what do we have that's sweet? Continually shovelling food all day, miserable.

So, describing it makes it sound like what some of the guys in our program describe as their addictions. Is it possible to be addicted to food? I think so. It is even harder, because you have to eat. So how do you handle an addiction you have to have in order to survive? I'm working on that. I can tell you this, I am having to realize that feeling full does not mean the meal is done, the meal was dome a long time ago. You eat to sustain, not to indulge. I cannot find pleasure in food because I will never find it. That's why I eat more and more.

It's a work in progress, 1800 calories for the third day in a row, go me. I walked a mile today, might walk again later...or play Dance Central. As I was typing that, I think I heard my legs scream, "Nooooooooooo!"

Hi Ho, Hi Ho....

Soooooo, yeah, 3rd morning in a row I planned to walk and something came up. Between kids puking fom their stomach bug and the rain outside, I was deterred, yet again, from taking the morning walk.

Breakfast under 500, packed the lunch and snacks for the day, headed in to work 30 minutes early and guess what? Rain quit, so I squeezed a mile walk in. Off to a good start...

Is it wrong to actually WANT a stomach virus? Nothing sheds pounds like a good stomach bug...

Day 2 Recap

Yeah, so I got that walk in. 1.7 miles in a little less than an hour. I think it was more like 45 minutes, but who know. The fact that I got out and did it was what counted.

Dinner, steak (about half of what I usually eat), potato, no butter, no salt, salad with a little bit of thousand island dressing. I was going to take a picture of it, but I was too hungry to wait. Total calories about 800.

That's 1800 total. And I walked. Yeah, I beat this day down.

As a side note, I expected to hurt a lot more than I thought I would. I don't really hurt at all. Feels good.

Got hit in the face by an anvil...

There are forces at work against me.

I woke up this morning on time, ready for my walk, but I had such an awful sinus headache I could hardly open my eyes. No sudafed, do I took advil and went back to bed (one of these days, I'll have so many followers that companies like "sudafed" and  "advil" will pay to mentioned in this blog, hahahahahaha)

Day is going good so far. Oatmeal for breakfast, lean cuisine and ramen noodles for lunch, apples and popcorn for snack, grand total of 1000 calories and it's almost 3 pm. Yeah, I'm winning again today. Would be killing it if it weren't for this headache. I might try walking later now that I have sudafed. Thanks Pam!

Now to watch the Packers and the Bears, or as one of my friends put it, the Super Bowl. I agree, nothing better than this rivalry...

Day 1 done...

So, today has been a good day.

Here's some weight loss math for you. I found this little calculator online that tells you how many calories you need to take in according to your lifestyle yo maintain you current weight. I need to take in 3800 calories to maintain my current estimated weight. I think I read a while back that in order to burn 1 pound of weight, you need to burn, or not take in, 3000 calories. If all these calculations are correct, here's what today looked like:

3800(calories to maintain)-1800(calories I took in)=2000(2/3 of a pound)

So, I, according to algebra, lost 2/3 of a pound. If I had gotten my walk in today, I bet it would have been a full. Oh well.

The plan is for me to take in only 1800 calories a day. Not hard, I did it today. I need to get more active though. I plan to walk every morning, try some kind of activity at lunch, then work out for dinner. Here's the forms for my membership at the Life Center:

And here's my hot workout partner:

I love the goofy face. She's so awesome.

So, as promised, here are the soon to be before pics:

I made sure to wear a real nasty shirt and I didn't shave. That way, when I do the "after" pics, I will look TONS better, lol.

So overall, I hit the gate running. I am really hungry, need to figure out a way to fix that without caloric intake. Pickles=0 calories, but there are only so many of those I can eat. Anyways, goodnight!

The Morning...

I was banking on the fact that Sam usually wakes up at 4:30, so that was when I planned to wake up and get my walk in this morning.

He didn't wake up until 7. Urg.

On a good note, I ate a pretty healthy breakfast:

It was this or 2 slices of leftover pizza from last night. Both have about 400 calories. So yeah, I am already winning.

The Dream

So, I will end up posting a LOT on this blog, so try to keep up...

I had a dream last night. Well, it was a bit of a nightmare really. Sometime today I plan on posting pics of me to use as "before" pics. Now, I will spare me some humiliation and post the ones with my shirt on, but I do plan on taking some shirtless. I want to make sure I can remember where I came from.

So, I had a dream I was going to do this last night. It was one of those dreams where I am an observer, I am watching myself do everything. So, I take my shirt off, and I am HUGE. Like, REALLY REALLY BIG. I couldn't even walk into our bathroom, I had to squeeze in. Man, forget walking, I was barely doing that. My stomach hadn't gotten so big that it was down to my knees, it was about a foot off the ground. My face was massive, I couldn't see my neck because of all the fat under my chin. It was awful.

I woke up and found myself at more normal, not-as-big-as-that self, realizing that if I keep this up, that is what I am headed for.

Dear God, thanks for the motivation. Love, Jeremy

An Apology...

So, I have been trying to write for the Mud and Mercy blog, but there is something that is consuming that I need to share with everyone. So, I apologize for writing on this one first, but I have to get this out, then maybe the other one will come easier.

I've been really dreading this. It's confession time on my part. Well, I am not really confessing, I just need to get something in my life fixed. The "crack" blog I wrote the other day really hit me hard. There is something in my life that is really hindering me from growing in my spiritual walk, and I need to get it fixed right now if I hope to be effective in anyway in my ministry. Anyone want to guess what it is?

Yeah, it's my weight. I have been really feeling a LOT of conviction in my life because of it. At the Colony, we are really trying to teach the guys to be Godly, hardworking, and responsible. So, for the past year, I have been really focusing on how I can be that. If I am teaching that to the guys there, I need to be living it myself. There are a lot of areas I have improved on, but those are little things compared to what this. I keep putting it off and putting it off, but I can't do it anymore.

How did I get this way? I am so disappointed in myself. I am ashamed and embarrased. I am really disgusted. Depressed. I am overwhelmed, too. What am I going to do? I am fed up, it's time for change. Someone once told me that rock bottom is where you stop digging, well, I am done. God take the shovel and help me out, because the hole is awfully deep.

I feel like I've let a lot of people down, but the people I have let down the most are my wife and kids. Every time I go to the school, my kids' friends talk about how fat I am. It embarrases me and I know it has to embarrass them. Pam deserves a good looking guy to be walking around the mall with, not this big load she's married too. I want to live to see the kids grow up, I want to walk my daughter down the aisle when she gets married. I want to run around and play sports with my kids. I want out of this mess!

So, here's some stats. I weigh at least 450 pounds. I don't know for sure, because I don't have a scale that can weigh me. I wear a 60 waist jeans. My shirts are a 6XL. As I am typing this, I am actually borderline crying because I don't want anyone to know this. It's a mess that has gotten out of control.

Here's the plan. There are 119 days until my 35th birthday. I want to lose 100 pounds by my birthday. That's right, a pound a day until May 21. I am going to use this blog as an accountability thing, so I ask those of you who are near and dear to me to please join me in this journey. I got a long road ahead...