I have a special talent that I would like to brag about real quick to preface my blog for the evening. Whenever I go out and about, and no matter where I am at or who I am with, I always manage to get front row parking. I don't mean handicap parking, because that is illegal (even though I can write a whole blog about some of the "handicap" people that use those spaces). I'm not even talking about the maternity parking that some stores have as a courtesy to pregnant women (I tried to park there one time and try to pass off that I was pregnant. Didn't work.) I am talking about the space right next to the handicap spaces. Some stores even have spaces that are closer than the handicap ones, which I find weird and a bit mean, but nevertheless, I park there. We call it "Rock Star Parking." My kids love it. They think it is cool that I find these spaces when we go out. They get on to Pam because she can never get Rock Star Parking. She finally did the other day when I wasn't there, and it was a big deal. Pam called me to tell my of her triumphant victory. The kids bombarded me with the news when I got home.
So, the question for the evening is this, is it hypocritical to go to the gym and actually look for Rock Star parking? I am finding myself turning down the luxurious spot to park further away when I go to the gym. But I am afraid to anger the parking gods by turning down their bountiful blessing. I took them up on their offer today though. The parking lot was under repair and parking was a disaster, so to save time, and admittedly, walking distance, I parked in Rock Star parking. Full disclosure here people, full disclosure...
Anyway, Ty was tied up (a little play on words there, get it?) with someone, so I started my warmup with 10 minutes on the elliptical. It is getting easier, and I am finding my initial disdain for the torturous machine dwindling. It welcomes me with arms wide open every time I visit the gym. It's like one of those annoying older relatives that you can't really say how you are related too, but every time you see them, they pinch your cheeks real hard and mess with your hair and real annoy the mess out of you. You constantly complain after ever reunion about that relative and how weird they are and how the pinch hurts. Yet, when the time has come and they pass away, you miss them and remember how much they went on and on about how handsome you were. One day, I hope to have that sort of relationship with the elliptical. We're not there yet.
I finished up to find Ty still tied up (yeah, that doesn't get old), so I stretched a bit then went to the treadmill. I did 10 minutes on that. No big deal. I watched a story about how bad Japan still is. How soon we forget. They have boats, huge 120 ton boats, sitting in the middle of roads. They have so much garbage and debris they have no idea what to do with it. 25,000 dead. 10,000 still missing. Makes our problems seem pretty small.
I finished the treadmill and Ty was tied up (okay, it is old now) with dude, but he did mange to see me and told me to warm up. "Done," I said. So he got me set up on the old reliable kinesis machine. I had to do the lunge push exercise, the first one that ever did on this machine. As he was wrapping up with dude, I did three sets of 15. We usually do two. Moving on up. Dude finally left. He was a bit of a talker. Ty got me doing a new exercise he affectionately called the oil rig. It was a squat a pull down exercise. He told me if I hit oil to let him know. I thought I was going to oil my pants, but I managed. I even went up in weight after the first set. 3 set, then back to the old swing steps. I like these. You grab a hold of the band and hold it at your chest, then you step back and swing your body in the direction of the step. Works the abs, hurts in a good way. 3 sets. I set the bar, Ty won't let me go back now.
We then found my old friend the core ball. Situps. No resistance this time. Nothing but hard core sitting up. I did 3 sets of 30. I almost slid off the ball once. I know it will happen sooner or later. Prepare yourselves, it will be epic.
We then walked back over to the treadmill/elliptical machine area. Ty said, "I have a surprise for you." I began to worry. I don't like it when he says that. I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw a machine I hadn't really noticed before. It was a miniature escalator. "Oh crap," I thought, "He's going to make me do a stair machine." We breezed by there. I thanked God and we kept walking. We walked by rowing machines. "Cool, that looks fun," I thought. Kept walking. Some stationary bikes were to our right. "Too easy, surely not that." Of course not. We got to the end of the gym and Ty opened a door marked "Stairs." He pulled a kettle weight out of an office. I was about to cry. I hate that thing. I tried to play it tough, though. "Kettle weight, huh? Let's do It." He said, "This is just to hold the door open." What? We got to the stairwell and he said, really enthusiastically I might add, "Alright! We're going to do 10 laps up and down the stairs!" First, no matter how enthusiastic you are, 10 trips up and down stairs never sound good. Secondly, whenever Ty says "We," he means me. Third, stairs suck.
I looked around this evil stairwell and noticed a couple of towels laying around. I assume people have died doing this same activity. I thought I would be the next. It would be easy to hide the evidence. Just roll their fat carcass down the stairs, out the door and hide them behind the garbage just outside the bottom stairwell door. Oh well. I have my cell phone. I'll dial 911 if I have too. Down the steps I went back up I came. 1. Tired already. Ty said that looked too easy so he brought me a 12 pound weight to lift up and down while I went up the stairs. The first one always looks easy. And what's with the weight? Down, left hand, Up, right hand. Who does this guy think he is, Mr. Miyagi? I did it. 2. Breathing hard. I can feel my heart beat in my chest, my arms, my head. I can hear it begging me to stop. Ty took the weight. Apparently, it was looking hard to do now. I went down again, then back up, 3. Ty said, "Keep it up, I'll be right back. Don't pass out!" Yes sinsai. Down, and up. Heart beating hard, but I don't think it wants me stop. I think it is saying thank you. It's excited. It's doing something it doesn't get to do. It is working hard. I think it likes it. Down and up. 5. Yeah heart, I hear you, but the lungs are yelling a little louder right now. Breath, in through nose, out through mouth. Down. Rest. Getting harder. Feet are siding with the lungs now. Might start a revolution soon. Ty hollers down, "How many?" "5...and a half? "Keep it up, you're doing great!" Up. 6. Down. The knees have been talking to the feet and lungs. Mutiny. The brain and heart say keep going. The arms are siding with them. The feet get ticked because they don't think the arms have in part in this. The arms remind the feet that they kept their mouth shut when we were on the kinesis machine. Arms can be so smart. Up. 7. The back is the swing vote. Whatever he says is going. "Back, how do you feel?" "3 more, we got it." Down. Up. Down. Up. Stop. Breath. Stretch. Everyone is on board now. Just one more. Down. Up. Victory.
I sat down at the top of the stairs, amazed. I didn't think I would make it. Ty asked me if I could walk. "Yeah, piece of cake." Mmmmmmmm...cake. No no no. We walked over and talked for a bit. He asked me if I wanted to weigh today or Thursday. Today man, right now. we went to go weigh, and the elevator was jumping up and down trying to flag me down and was yelling, "HEY! Haven't you had enough of those stairs yet?!?" Yes I have dear elevator, but down one more flight won't kill me. Will it? Anyways, I made it down and weighed. 457. Down 1 pound. I told Ty I would have loss more, but I blame it on the increased muscle mass from 10 FLIGHTS OF STAIRS!!! Anyways, he didn't buy it, and rightfully so. I am really having a hard time with my eating habits. They are so bad. I am so tired of struggling with it. It is something I praying about, because I know it isn't something I can fix on my own. I am really trying to blog more. Time is a luxury this time of year. The end of school and the Crusade coming up downtown next week, in addition to the flooding and the havoc it has wreaked with placing our men and the increased use of our facilities, well, it's been busy. And tiring. I'll try to update more.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
No Pain, No Gain
So, I think I made Ty mad the other day. It was either that, or I did really well on my fitness evaluation. Tonight's workout was killer.
We started out with...guess. Any guesses? If you said elliptical machine, you were correct. I had already prepared mentally for this. I wasn't going to lose to it again. I got on and started up, and, of course, Ty wanted me to do 10 minutes. Since this was the first exercise, it was a bit easier. And I nailed it. And by nail it, I mean I huffed and puffed through 10 minutes of painful unnatural motion. But hey, a win's a win.
That was followed up with some stretching. I don't know what the deal is with my back, but most of this stuff is really causing it to tighten up. I was then introduced to a sinister piece of equipment known as the kettle weight. It is a big ball with a handle on it weighing 25 pounds. Ty had me do this squat-swing exercise that worked every muscle in my body. He has a way of finding exercises that do that. 2 sets and I thought I was going to pass out. I could tell Ty wanted me to do a third, but he went to put the infernal thing up. I stopped him, did another set, then rested a bit before we moved to the next exercise. I can safely say this, I would rather do the elliptical than do that exercise again.
Next, Ty got a huge core ball out for me to do situps on. I had to sit on it then roll it down to my back and lay on it to start the situps. I looked at Ty with some concern. He asked me what was wrong. I said that there was one of two things that could happen that would be devastating. One, I sit on the ball, it pops, and I land hard on the floor. Second, I roll and the ball shoots out from underneath me, and I still land hard on the floor. Ty assured me that it would be fine. It was, and I did a couple of sets of 30.
My back was still hurting. We stretched it out some more. Ty asked me if I ever popped my back. I tolld him no. I never get my back to pop. I was also told when I was a kid not to pop my knuckles or I would get arthritis. I applied the same concept to my back. Don't pop it and I won't have back problems. We then went to the weights. I was excited about this. I wanted to work with weights. But before I knew it, Ty had another exercise planned that would include every muscle in my body. I had to step up on a platform and lift a 15 pound dumbell over my head. My left knee screamed at me. My back joined in. I made it through the first set. Then I went to the other arm and knee. My back was very mad. I laid down and did some more stretching. Then I did some bridges. I laid down flat on my back then lifted my hips up off the ground then back down. I did that 30 times, Then I went back to the stretching. As I was stretching, my back popped about 16 times. It felt so good. I went to the treadmill to do a little cardio, but my back was flaring up again. I did a little more stretching and then went to leave. The elevator looked at me and tempted me to use it. No, my friend, but thank you.
We started out with...guess. Any guesses? If you said elliptical machine, you were correct. I had already prepared mentally for this. I wasn't going to lose to it again. I got on and started up, and, of course, Ty wanted me to do 10 minutes. Since this was the first exercise, it was a bit easier. And I nailed it. And by nail it, I mean I huffed and puffed through 10 minutes of painful unnatural motion. But hey, a win's a win.
That was followed up with some stretching. I don't know what the deal is with my back, but most of this stuff is really causing it to tighten up. I was then introduced to a sinister piece of equipment known as the kettle weight. It is a big ball with a handle on it weighing 25 pounds. Ty had me do this squat-swing exercise that worked every muscle in my body. He has a way of finding exercises that do that. 2 sets and I thought I was going to pass out. I could tell Ty wanted me to do a third, but he went to put the infernal thing up. I stopped him, did another set, then rested a bit before we moved to the next exercise. I can safely say this, I would rather do the elliptical than do that exercise again.
Next, Ty got a huge core ball out for me to do situps on. I had to sit on it then roll it down to my back and lay on it to start the situps. I looked at Ty with some concern. He asked me what was wrong. I said that there was one of two things that could happen that would be devastating. One, I sit on the ball, it pops, and I land hard on the floor. Second, I roll and the ball shoots out from underneath me, and I still land hard on the floor. Ty assured me that it would be fine. It was, and I did a couple of sets of 30.
My back was still hurting. We stretched it out some more. Ty asked me if I ever popped my back. I tolld him no. I never get my back to pop. I was also told when I was a kid not to pop my knuckles or I would get arthritis. I applied the same concept to my back. Don't pop it and I won't have back problems. We then went to the weights. I was excited about this. I wanted to work with weights. But before I knew it, Ty had another exercise planned that would include every muscle in my body. I had to step up on a platform and lift a 15 pound dumbell over my head. My left knee screamed at me. My back joined in. I made it through the first set. Then I went to the other arm and knee. My back was very mad. I laid down and did some more stretching. Then I did some bridges. I laid down flat on my back then lifted my hips up off the ground then back down. I did that 30 times, Then I went back to the stretching. As I was stretching, my back popped about 16 times. It felt so good. I went to the treadmill to do a little cardio, but my back was flaring up again. I did a little more stretching and then went to leave. The elevator looked at me and tempted me to use it. No, my friend, but thank you.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Fitness (or lack there of) Evaluation
So, I started at the gym today. My buddy Ty hooked me up with a pretty sweet deal over at Lifetime Fitness on Houston Levee. I strongly suggest you go over there if you are looking for a gym to join. The place is like the Taj Mahal of fitness. I drove down there last week to get my membership started up and was blown away by how nice it was. My excitement was shadowed by the fact that we had a tornado heading straight for us, but let me tell you something, it is amazing.
I was freaking out at first. The place is massive. Walking up to the building is intimidating enough. There is a culture of people that go to gyms that I have nothing in common with. these are the men and women who wear all the athletic gear that none of us normal people would ever fit in. The size and shapes of their bodies show the extreme discipline that comes to those who are faithful gym goers. And they like to show it off. Scantily clad fit people all over the place. And in walks the fat dude...
It's almost like the old westerns. Everyone in the saloon, drinking and playing cards. Then, the new guy in town busts through the double doors with the black hat on, a snarl on his face, and daring anyone to say something out of the line. Yeah, that was me.
I walked around and looked for Ty. He wasn't downstairs. Up the stairs I go. I don't have a problem with stairs. I saw the elevators and thought, "Maybe I should..." "NOOOOO!!!!!" Yeah, definitely don't take the elevator at the gym. You are there to get in shape, so take the stairs and and get some cardio in before the real workout begins.
Ty was at the fitness services desk. I almost didn't recognize him. Over the past few months, he has been growing his beard and hair out to play Jesus in our Easter musical. It ended this past weekend, so he cut the Jesus look and went back to his old clean shaven self. We talked for a bit then headed to the computer to get some information in and to...weigh. Urg. I don't think I have ever weighed in front of anyone outside the medical community before. Ty said there was a more accurate scale downstairs. We went downstairs and weighed. It swayed between 456 and 459, so we stuck with 458, which is the one number it stayed on the longest. We went to go back upstairs. I saw the elevator again...NO NO NO!!!
Up the stairs and to the treadmill. I missed my friend the treadmill. I use to hang out with him every morning. We got me set up to take and started with the evaluation. I started at a nice 2 mile per hour pace on a flat walk, which was easy. I could do this all day. After we checked my heart rate, he increased the incline. 0 to 2. Still easy. I walked for a bit, checked the heart, raised again. 4. Not bad. Then up to 6. Hmmmm. A little rougher. Legs were burning a little. Back was tightening up. Sweat started trickling down my face. Ty handed me a towel. He asked me how I was doing on a scale of 1 to 10. Ummmm, 6. Up again. 9. Mountain climbing now. Pretty tough. I hung in there for a bit, checked the heart rate, then did the cool down. I was feeling pretty good. My back was hurting a bit, but other than that, I felt good.
We went to a different part of the gym and did some stretching. The stretching area was right by the stairs. Awkward. All of these fit people coming up and down the stairs staring at the fat guy stretching. The back was all back to normal and then we went to the an interesting looking machine that Ty seemed a little to happy to see. I don't remember what he called it, I want to say it was a Telekinesis machine, but that couldn't be right. I tried to move it with my mind and it didn't do anything. It was a big and white and shaped like a coke machine, with arms coming out of it connected by rubber bands with handles. There were a couple of slots in the bottom of the machine, no cokes, just a spot to adjust the weight. Ty got the weights adjusted and had me do a few exercises. The first was a lunge and push with the rubber bands, which wasn't bad. The second was a squat and pull, which was an evil exercise. Finally, I did a sort of baseball swing to work my core, which, before today, I thought could only be found in an apple.
After that, we headed over to another machine. This machine is evil. I think it was invented in the medieval times to torture overweight prisoners to compensate for overcrowding. I think if we used it instead of waterboarding we would have found bin Laden 9 years ago. It is the elliptical machine. If you ever watched infomercials, it reminds me of that old machine where you ski and move your arms at the same time. It makes you move every muscle in your body. Ty wanted me to do it for 10 minutes. He even showed me the nice little fan feature it had to keep me cool. Unfortunately, I could only do 5 minutes. When I went to stop, I couldn't do it. The machine just kept going. It took everything I had to make the machine slow down. I think it took more for me to slow down than it did to get it going. The machine finally released me from its grip and I jumped off of it. As we walked away, I could have swore the machine laughed at me. It was either that, or the guy with 1% body fat on the machine behind me. I am going with the machine...
That was the end of the workout. Ty and I talked for a while and then I went to leave. Elevators, NO!, then back out the doors to the real world.
Feeling good. Not hurting. Actually feel stretched out a bit. Can't wait until Thursday when I go back.
I was freaking out at first. The place is massive. Walking up to the building is intimidating enough. There is a culture of people that go to gyms that I have nothing in common with. these are the men and women who wear all the athletic gear that none of us normal people would ever fit in. The size and shapes of their bodies show the extreme discipline that comes to those who are faithful gym goers. And they like to show it off. Scantily clad fit people all over the place. And in walks the fat dude...
It's almost like the old westerns. Everyone in the saloon, drinking and playing cards. Then, the new guy in town busts through the double doors with the black hat on, a snarl on his face, and daring anyone to say something out of the line. Yeah, that was me.
I walked around and looked for Ty. He wasn't downstairs. Up the stairs I go. I don't have a problem with stairs. I saw the elevators and thought, "Maybe I should..." "NOOOOO!!!!!" Yeah, definitely don't take the elevator at the gym. You are there to get in shape, so take the stairs and and get some cardio in before the real workout begins.
Ty was at the fitness services desk. I almost didn't recognize him. Over the past few months, he has been growing his beard and hair out to play Jesus in our Easter musical. It ended this past weekend, so he cut the Jesus look and went back to his old clean shaven self. We talked for a bit then headed to the computer to get some information in and to...weigh. Urg. I don't think I have ever weighed in front of anyone outside the medical community before. Ty said there was a more accurate scale downstairs. We went downstairs and weighed. It swayed between 456 and 459, so we stuck with 458, which is the one number it stayed on the longest. We went to go back upstairs. I saw the elevator again...NO NO NO!!!
Up the stairs and to the treadmill. I missed my friend the treadmill. I use to hang out with him every morning. We got me set up to take and started with the evaluation. I started at a nice 2 mile per hour pace on a flat walk, which was easy. I could do this all day. After we checked my heart rate, he increased the incline. 0 to 2. Still easy. I walked for a bit, checked the heart, raised again. 4. Not bad. Then up to 6. Hmmmm. A little rougher. Legs were burning a little. Back was tightening up. Sweat started trickling down my face. Ty handed me a towel. He asked me how I was doing on a scale of 1 to 10. Ummmm, 6. Up again. 9. Mountain climbing now. Pretty tough. I hung in there for a bit, checked the heart rate, then did the cool down. I was feeling pretty good. My back was hurting a bit, but other than that, I felt good.
We went to a different part of the gym and did some stretching. The stretching area was right by the stairs. Awkward. All of these fit people coming up and down the stairs staring at the fat guy stretching. The back was all back to normal and then we went to the an interesting looking machine that Ty seemed a little to happy to see. I don't remember what he called it, I want to say it was a Telekinesis machine, but that couldn't be right. I tried to move it with my mind and it didn't do anything. It was a big and white and shaped like a coke machine, with arms coming out of it connected by rubber bands with handles. There were a couple of slots in the bottom of the machine, no cokes, just a spot to adjust the weight. Ty got the weights adjusted and had me do a few exercises. The first was a lunge and push with the rubber bands, which wasn't bad. The second was a squat and pull, which was an evil exercise. Finally, I did a sort of baseball swing to work my core, which, before today, I thought could only be found in an apple.
After that, we headed over to another machine. This machine is evil. I think it was invented in the medieval times to torture overweight prisoners to compensate for overcrowding. I think if we used it instead of waterboarding we would have found bin Laden 9 years ago. It is the elliptical machine. If you ever watched infomercials, it reminds me of that old machine where you ski and move your arms at the same time. It makes you move every muscle in your body. Ty wanted me to do it for 10 minutes. He even showed me the nice little fan feature it had to keep me cool. Unfortunately, I could only do 5 minutes. When I went to stop, I couldn't do it. The machine just kept going. It took everything I had to make the machine slow down. I think it took more for me to slow down than it did to get it going. The machine finally released me from its grip and I jumped off of it. As we walked away, I could have swore the machine laughed at me. It was either that, or the guy with 1% body fat on the machine behind me. I am going with the machine...
That was the end of the workout. Ty and I talked for a while and then I went to leave. Elevators, NO!, then back out the doors to the real world.
Feeling good. Not hurting. Actually feel stretched out a bit. Can't wait until Thursday when I go back.
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