Yes, Sara, it HAS been a while since I posted, thanks for holding me accountable.
There really isn't anything to post. That means bad things are happening. I am slowly creeping in to my old habits. Vacation really stalled me. I took a week off, so I quit walking every morning. I was justifying it by all the work that was going on around the house. I conquered the 5k. Now what?
I have to continually set goals to keep me motivated. I know this is a long term commitment to better living and healthy standards, but it's hard. To be honest, it was real discouraging doing the 5k. It's hard to see people doing things so easily whereas for me, it is so difficult.
I am tired of walking. I wish there was some way to exercise besides just walking. Honestly, I think it would be easier if I had people doing it with me. I like to compete, it would be cool to race or lift more or do better than someone else, or have someone beat me so it gives me incentive to try harder. Walking is boring.
I've had a pretty rough time since I got back from vacation. It has been so busy and stressful at work, which provokes eating. It is addictive behavior, I am aware. At least I am out of the denial phase. Now I have to learn how to cope, and that is the difficult part. I have figured out the "Don't beat yourself up" part, but I am tired of getting there.
I've lost momentum. It feels like crap. Will try to do better tomorrow...
Yoda says, "Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try."
I WILL do better tomorrow...
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
The Official 5k
We woke up on time Saturday morning, which was an amazing event. Whenever we plan to do anything, we always run late. We had already hit one stumbling block. Our babysitter fell through, which meant that we had to take all of the kids. Mary spent the night that at a friend's house, so it was just me, Pam, and the boys. I tried to prep the boys the night before. I told them that we were walking a 5k, and Noah asked me, "How long is that, like forever?" "No, Noah. It is only 3.1 miles." "That IS forever!" he cried. I assured him that he would be fine.
The first question of the morning was what to wear. I didn't care one way or the other, I don't get cold, and any exercise I do will make me hot. All of the boys put on shorts and T-shirts, as did Pam. We ate breakfast and headed out the door. We realized the wardrobe choice was a mistake. There was a slight chill in the air, and Pam, Noah, and Chance protested the shorts. I told them that they would warm up as we walked. Some arguing followed, but we didn't have time to change, we had to go.
We got to the building and met with the coordinators of the 5k and checked in. I don't think I have ever felt so out of place in my life. I was surrounded by people that were from a different place, almost like a different planet. These people were runners. You could tell. Everything about them shouted fitness and discipline. The build of their bodies, the clothes they wore, the way they carried themselves, the way they stretched, these were people who took running seriously. And they knew each other, they all joked and were hanging out and speaking their own language. It was like I walked in on a secret society and it was obvious that I didn't belong. I tried to ignore the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach and occupy my time with the kids.
Our friend Beth showed up and we huddled up and talked for a bit. Some announcements were made and we were told to get to the starting line of the race. It was a quarter of a mile up a hill. A steep, steep hill. Pam pushed the stroller as we walked in line with the rest of the participants. About halfway up the hill, I could tell this was going to be a long walk. Pam was having a hard time, and rightfully so, she was pushing an extra 70 pounds. We grouped up and allowed the "real" runners to take their places at the front. I tried to get in the middle of the whole group, behind the runners and ahead of the walkers. I figured that by being positioned there, I could keep a good pace. I also wanted to be in that position for another reason. If I couldn't keep up with the runners, I could at least beat the walkers. That competitive nature of mine was sneaking up.
The race started and the runners took off. Jealousy overwhelmed me. I wanted to run, but there was no way I could do that today. Baby steps, Jeremy, baby steps. As we walked, people were passing us left and right. That irritated me a bit. I wanted to start strong and finish ahead of everyone, but I knew that herding the boys would definitely slow me down today. Pam could tell that I was irritated. I left my watch at home, so I couldn't keep up with my pace, so that irritated me even more. She knew what was going on in my head. She told me to go ahead of them and walk at whatever pace I wanted. I decided to do that, and picked up some speed. The boys followed me. They don't like to lose either.
We sped up and started passing people. We made the first turn into the trail that we would be walking for the race. I looked back and saw that Pam and Beth were at the tail end of the pack. Pam was pushing the stroller and talking to Beth and just enjoying the walk. I felt stupid. This wasn't a race for me. It wasn't about beating someone and being the fastest, it was about finishing. It was about courage. It was about doing something that I have never done before. I wanted to be with Pam when I did it. I slowed down and waited for her to catch up. She said, "You could have gone on, we were fine back here." I wasn't fine, but I didn't tell her that. I was ashamed of the way I acted. I started walking and enjoying the time and conversation.
The trail twisted and turned through some light brush and trees. We passed by the new playground they are building. We hit our first really big hill. Pam pushed the boys as hard as she could up that hill. It was a big one, I was winded just walking up it by myself. Pam had a real hard time with those chunky boys of ours. The thought had occurred to me to push the boys myself. There are two reasons I didn't want to do that. One, strollers aren't for tall people. They make those things for people under six foot tall. Since I am 6'4", I have to bend over and push it, which is one of the most uncomfortable positions to walk in that you can imagine. It feels like your back is in the shape of a question mark. The second reason I didn't want to push it is, well, it's a guy thing. I didn't want to have to take a punch on the my Man Card. I felt bad for Pam though. I knew that if we were going to hit a lot more of those hills, it was not going to be a fun time. I took the reigns of the stroller, Man Card punched, and kept walking.
We walked by a lake that looked like it was about to dry up. That didn't stop one optimistic fisherman. He was casting his line in as walked by, hoping to catch the very last of the fish that resided in the dying lake. The trail turned at the end of what use to be the edge of the lake and went through a pass surrounded by trees. At the end, it opened up to a large lake. I wondered what stopped the fisherman from fishing here instead of the nearly dried up one. There was a group of people huddled together standing at the edge of the water. Odd, but then I saw one looking through a pair of binoculars. Birdwatchers. I don;t think I have ever seen an official group of birdwatchers. It felt awkward seeing these people, because their activity was as foreign to me as the runners. They buzzed with excitement over something in the distance and were speaking in their little bird language. Something as inconsequential as a bird was something rare and exciting to them. It made me wish I could get excited about small things like that. I almost wanted to stop and see what the big deal was, but I was there to walk, so I kept going.
We walked around the lake. The boys were feeling good. I think if I let Joe, he would have run the whole thing. He was running circles around us as we were walking. On the other side of the lake, the park had planted several trees and put what type of tree it was on a plaque in front of them. I like to make up stories about how things get their name. Pam likes to here them. "Jeremy. why do they call this a Silver Maple?" "Because that's where you get silver syrup." Stupid stuff like that. The cherry tree had been cut down, and we had assumed George Washington had been there. Our comedy session ended and we kept walking.
1.5 miles. That's what the marker said as we reached it. Halfway there. That fact was followed by different responses. There was a "Yesssssss" from Joe, a "Only halfway, I thought we were almost done!" from Noah, a sigh and sort of a muffled grunt from Pam, Chance said something about going out to eat when we finished. I just wanted my watch. I wanted to know the time. I was still obsessing a little bit about the pace. It was disheartening to see the rest of the group ahead of us get further and further away. We caught up with some stragglers and passed by them. Noah said that he couldn't walk much further, because he would get too skinny. He pushed on.
We were at the north leg of the trail. It has trees on the right and road on the left. Cars passed by as we pressed on. We walked down a winding hill then back up the other side. As we walked, I heard something make a loud noise behind us. I didn't stop. It got closer, it almost sounded like a big bird squawking, but I ignored it. A third day it called, this time, I was able to interpret it's call. "On your left!" I looked to my left, thinking someone was trying to warn me of an incoming frisbee or perhaps a ill struck golf ball. "On your left!" Again the warning was sounded, and I looked back to see a woman on a mountain bike coming down a hill. She was equipped for for riding, with the biking suit, helmet, glasses, and a bike that probably cost more than my car. I slowly edged over to the right as far as I could, and the biker came barrelling through, quietly gving us a thanks for not ruining her pace as she went by. I thought mountain bikes were made for dirt trails, not concrete. This was a day of very confused people.
We got to the first (and only) water station. it was about a mile from the end of the 5k. We picked up a cup each and kept going. Johnny was finally getting a bit restless. He was ready to get down and do something. Not much further, so we gave him his cup and kept going. I gave the reigns of the stroller over to Chance, hoping we didn't run into any more bikers. Pam took the camera out and we started taking pictures, mostly action shot of us walking. We walked by the playground that was under construction and knew we were at the tail end of the race. We were confused as to which way to go, so we off roaded it with a group that was slightly ahead of us and walked behind them. This led us to a wide road. We walked and saw another group of participants on a trail to our right. We must have taken a wrong turn. We thought about off roading it and joining them, but we decided to stay on the road and keep going. As we hit the top of the hill, we could see the finish line ahead of us. The boys started jumping up and down with joy. They wanted to run to it, so we let them. When Joe got to the end, he fell to his knees in victory. He did what I felt like doing. We did it. 5k. Officially, 5k. 1 hour, 7 minutes flat.
I found out from one of the race coordinators later that lots of people took a wrong turn where we did. We actually ended up doing a 5.2k, but I am not one to get caught up with details. Yes, I am, but hey, I did a 5k. The first of many, hopefully. My next goal is to run one. Time to get training.
The first question of the morning was what to wear. I didn't care one way or the other, I don't get cold, and any exercise I do will make me hot. All of the boys put on shorts and T-shirts, as did Pam. We ate breakfast and headed out the door. We realized the wardrobe choice was a mistake. There was a slight chill in the air, and Pam, Noah, and Chance protested the shorts. I told them that they would warm up as we walked. Some arguing followed, but we didn't have time to change, we had to go.
We got to the building and met with the coordinators of the 5k and checked in. I don't think I have ever felt so out of place in my life. I was surrounded by people that were from a different place, almost like a different planet. These people were runners. You could tell. Everything about them shouted fitness and discipline. The build of their bodies, the clothes they wore, the way they carried themselves, the way they stretched, these were people who took running seriously. And they knew each other, they all joked and were hanging out and speaking their own language. It was like I walked in on a secret society and it was obvious that I didn't belong. I tried to ignore the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach and occupy my time with the kids.
Our friend Beth showed up and we huddled up and talked for a bit. Some announcements were made and we were told to get to the starting line of the race. It was a quarter of a mile up a hill. A steep, steep hill. Pam pushed the stroller as we walked in line with the rest of the participants. About halfway up the hill, I could tell this was going to be a long walk. Pam was having a hard time, and rightfully so, she was pushing an extra 70 pounds. We grouped up and allowed the "real" runners to take their places at the front. I tried to get in the middle of the whole group, behind the runners and ahead of the walkers. I figured that by being positioned there, I could keep a good pace. I also wanted to be in that position for another reason. If I couldn't keep up with the runners, I could at least beat the walkers. That competitive nature of mine was sneaking up.
The race started and the runners took off. Jealousy overwhelmed me. I wanted to run, but there was no way I could do that today. Baby steps, Jeremy, baby steps. As we walked, people were passing us left and right. That irritated me a bit. I wanted to start strong and finish ahead of everyone, but I knew that herding the boys would definitely slow me down today. Pam could tell that I was irritated. I left my watch at home, so I couldn't keep up with my pace, so that irritated me even more. She knew what was going on in my head. She told me to go ahead of them and walk at whatever pace I wanted. I decided to do that, and picked up some speed. The boys followed me. They don't like to lose either.
We sped up and started passing people. We made the first turn into the trail that we would be walking for the race. I looked back and saw that Pam and Beth were at the tail end of the pack. Pam was pushing the stroller and talking to Beth and just enjoying the walk. I felt stupid. This wasn't a race for me. It wasn't about beating someone and being the fastest, it was about finishing. It was about courage. It was about doing something that I have never done before. I wanted to be with Pam when I did it. I slowed down and waited for her to catch up. She said, "You could have gone on, we were fine back here." I wasn't fine, but I didn't tell her that. I was ashamed of the way I acted. I started walking and enjoying the time and conversation.
The trail twisted and turned through some light brush and trees. We passed by the new playground they are building. We hit our first really big hill. Pam pushed the boys as hard as she could up that hill. It was a big one, I was winded just walking up it by myself. Pam had a real hard time with those chunky boys of ours. The thought had occurred to me to push the boys myself. There are two reasons I didn't want to do that. One, strollers aren't for tall people. They make those things for people under six foot tall. Since I am 6'4", I have to bend over and push it, which is one of the most uncomfortable positions to walk in that you can imagine. It feels like your back is in the shape of a question mark. The second reason I didn't want to push it is, well, it's a guy thing. I didn't want to have to take a punch on the my Man Card. I felt bad for Pam though. I knew that if we were going to hit a lot more of those hills, it was not going to be a fun time. I took the reigns of the stroller, Man Card punched, and kept walking.
We walked by a lake that looked like it was about to dry up. That didn't stop one optimistic fisherman. He was casting his line in as walked by, hoping to catch the very last of the fish that resided in the dying lake. The trail turned at the end of what use to be the edge of the lake and went through a pass surrounded by trees. At the end, it opened up to a large lake. I wondered what stopped the fisherman from fishing here instead of the nearly dried up one. There was a group of people huddled together standing at the edge of the water. Odd, but then I saw one looking through a pair of binoculars. Birdwatchers. I don;t think I have ever seen an official group of birdwatchers. It felt awkward seeing these people, because their activity was as foreign to me as the runners. They buzzed with excitement over something in the distance and were speaking in their little bird language. Something as inconsequential as a bird was something rare and exciting to them. It made me wish I could get excited about small things like that. I almost wanted to stop and see what the big deal was, but I was there to walk, so I kept going.
We walked around the lake. The boys were feeling good. I think if I let Joe, he would have run the whole thing. He was running circles around us as we were walking. On the other side of the lake, the park had planted several trees and put what type of tree it was on a plaque in front of them. I like to make up stories about how things get their name. Pam likes to here them. "Jeremy. why do they call this a Silver Maple?" "Because that's where you get silver syrup." Stupid stuff like that. The cherry tree had been cut down, and we had assumed George Washington had been there. Our comedy session ended and we kept walking.
1.5 miles. That's what the marker said as we reached it. Halfway there. That fact was followed by different responses. There was a "Yesssssss" from Joe, a "Only halfway, I thought we were almost done!" from Noah, a sigh and sort of a muffled grunt from Pam, Chance said something about going out to eat when we finished. I just wanted my watch. I wanted to know the time. I was still obsessing a little bit about the pace. It was disheartening to see the rest of the group ahead of us get further and further away. We caught up with some stragglers and passed by them. Noah said that he couldn't walk much further, because he would get too skinny. He pushed on.
We were at the north leg of the trail. It has trees on the right and road on the left. Cars passed by as we pressed on. We walked down a winding hill then back up the other side. As we walked, I heard something make a loud noise behind us. I didn't stop. It got closer, it almost sounded like a big bird squawking, but I ignored it. A third day it called, this time, I was able to interpret it's call. "On your left!" I looked to my left, thinking someone was trying to warn me of an incoming frisbee or perhaps a ill struck golf ball. "On your left!" Again the warning was sounded, and I looked back to see a woman on a mountain bike coming down a hill. She was equipped for for riding, with the biking suit, helmet, glasses, and a bike that probably cost more than my car. I slowly edged over to the right as far as I could, and the biker came barrelling through, quietly gving us a thanks for not ruining her pace as she went by. I thought mountain bikes were made for dirt trails, not concrete. This was a day of very confused people.
We got to the first (and only) water station. it was about a mile from the end of the 5k. We picked up a cup each and kept going. Johnny was finally getting a bit restless. He was ready to get down and do something. Not much further, so we gave him his cup and kept going. I gave the reigns of the stroller over to Chance, hoping we didn't run into any more bikers. Pam took the camera out and we started taking pictures, mostly action shot of us walking. We walked by the playground that was under construction and knew we were at the tail end of the race. We were confused as to which way to go, so we off roaded it with a group that was slightly ahead of us and walked behind them. This led us to a wide road. We walked and saw another group of participants on a trail to our right. We must have taken a wrong turn. We thought about off roading it and joining them, but we decided to stay on the road and keep going. As we hit the top of the hill, we could see the finish line ahead of us. The boys started jumping up and down with joy. They wanted to run to it, so we let them. When Joe got to the end, he fell to his knees in victory. He did what I felt like doing. We did it. 5k. Officially, 5k. 1 hour, 7 minutes flat.
I found out from one of the race coordinators later that lots of people took a wrong turn where we did. We actually ended up doing a 5.2k, but I am not one to get caught up with details. Yes, I am, but hey, I did a 5k. The first of many, hopefully. My next goal is to run one. Time to get training.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Vacation
Vacation has come and gone. Here's what I have done, and my excuse for not posting:
-Tore out and rebuilt the subfloor in the kitchen. Tiled and grouted, installed transitions.
-Painted over Johnny's "Clues" in the living room.
-Repainted the hall
-Repainted the bathroom. Repaired the broken tile. Put in a cushy toilet seat (I have a sensitive bottom).
-Repainted our new bedroom. Installed a new ceiling fan.
-Repainted the boys' new room.
-Repaired the tile in the back bathroom.
I think that's all. If I did anymore, I am too tired to remember it now. Tomorrow will be filled with basketball watching and Xbox.
I bought some new pants today. I am down 2 pant sizes. It may be pathetic, but I look forward to the day that I can buy pants from Walmart. I am tired of Big and Tall stores, or what I like to call "Fat and Freak". 6 more sizes and I am there.
-Tore out and rebuilt the subfloor in the kitchen. Tiled and grouted, installed transitions.
-Painted over Johnny's "Clues" in the living room.
-Repainted the hall
-Repainted the bathroom. Repaired the broken tile. Put in a cushy toilet seat (I have a sensitive bottom).
-Repainted our new bedroom. Installed a new ceiling fan.
-Repainted the boys' new room.
-Repaired the tile in the back bathroom.
I think that's all. If I did anymore, I am too tired to remember it now. Tomorrow will be filled with basketball watching and Xbox.
I bought some new pants today. I am down 2 pant sizes. It may be pathetic, but I look forward to the day that I can buy pants from Walmart. I am tired of Big and Tall stores, or what I like to call "Fat and Freak". 6 more sizes and I am there.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Weigh Day 4...delayed
So yeah, I've been a little busy. I tore out out the kitchen floor and replaced it. Here's the update:
I measured, I am down 4 inches, waist size is now 66"
I weighed, I gained 2 pounds.
Weird, just weird. Not really worried about the weight gain, because I LOST 4 inches. 5k is this Saturday, so I am pretty pumped. This floor job was a nice work out. Should see some more significant changes next weigh time.
By the way, none of my clothes fit.
I measured, I am down 4 inches, waist size is now 66"
I weighed, I gained 2 pounds.
Weird, just weird. Not really worried about the weight gain, because I LOST 4 inches. 5k is this Saturday, so I am pretty pumped. This floor job was a nice work out. Should see some more significant changes next weigh time.
By the way, none of my clothes fit.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
The Accidental 5k
I didn't think I was going to get to walk this morning. Tuesday is full of meetings and playing catch up in the afternoon because of the meetings. I thought that I would try to get one in at lunch, but the clouds in the sky looked as though they had different plans. That was confirmed on my way back to the Colony when it started sprinkling. About ten minutes after I got back to the office, it was a full on rain. Sad...
I spent my 11 o'clock meeting talking to the team and trying to figure out what I was going to do for exercise. The rain kept coming heavy, so I dismissed any hope of walking at lunch. I finished my meeting and headed back to the main building for lunch. Lunch consisted of a small bowl of chili, a couple of crackers, apiece of bread and an apple. When I finished eating I walked outside and found that the rain stopped and the sky had lightened up. Hope. I reached down into my jacket pocket to get the ipod cranked up to start walking and...
It wasn't there.
Now, I don't walk without my ipod. I have mentioned time and again how I despise hearing my own breathing as I walk. It might sound weird, but it's just, well, boring. I had to walk today, I had to. I needed something to get my momentum back in swing. Pam called me as soon as I started walking and told me that my ipod was at the house. It must have fell out of my pocket before I left. We talked as I walked, but our conversation was interrupted by a rumbling from afar. The rumbling got louder and louder. I thought it was thunder, but it wasn't. It was...steps...footsteps...running...fast....
I turned around and Country, my helper on the crew was running up behind me with a couple of bags of chips. He finally slowed to a stop when he got to me. "You gonna walk with me?" "Sure," he said. "What's the chips for?" "In case I got hungry." He's pretty deep. I love him to death.
We walked and talked around the first lap. As we walked by the main building, Mountain walked outside and joined our group. We kept walking and talking. I was keeping up with the lap numbers until lap 5. I think the conversation got pretty deep around then, and I started focusing on my answers.
We walked and walked and walked. I looked at my watch and saw that I had time for one more lap. "Is this lap 8?" I asked. "Nope, lap 9," Mountain replied. "What? Lap 9? Are you sure?" "Yep, you are ahead of me one lap. I am at lap 8, you are on lap 9." "Country, what lap are we on?" "I don't know, you didn't tell me to count." "Okay, number 9 it is!"
I walked the last lap feeling very good. I wasn't tired. I wasn't going to pass out. I felt, victorious. It's been hanging over my head for weeks now, and despite my best efforts to plan it, I was finally walking a self imposed 5k. Accidentally, but I did it, and it felt good.
We rounded the corner and were on the finally leg of the track to the shop. The road tees into a side road the runs beside my shop. I told one of the guys that I call that Amen Corner (not to be confused with the other Amen Corner). He asked me why I called it that, and I said, "That's where the walk ends. God gets me to the end of the walk, and I have to say 'Amen'". I was so happy to see it. The fact that I saw it 9 times in one walk was even better. I couldn't help it, I ran to it. When I got to the end, I raised my arms up in victory. I did it. 5k in less than an hour. Very satisfying.
So that's how my day was. Oh, and I can wear a 4XL shirt now. I need a 4 XLT, because I am tall, but I dug one out this morning to wear as an undershirt, and it fits. Pam says it looks good on me, so you are going to have to trust her word on it. Very good day.
I spent my 11 o'clock meeting talking to the team and trying to figure out what I was going to do for exercise. The rain kept coming heavy, so I dismissed any hope of walking at lunch. I finished my meeting and headed back to the main building for lunch. Lunch consisted of a small bowl of chili, a couple of crackers, apiece of bread and an apple. When I finished eating I walked outside and found that the rain stopped and the sky had lightened up. Hope. I reached down into my jacket pocket to get the ipod cranked up to start walking and...
It wasn't there.
Now, I don't walk without my ipod. I have mentioned time and again how I despise hearing my own breathing as I walk. It might sound weird, but it's just, well, boring. I had to walk today, I had to. I needed something to get my momentum back in swing. Pam called me as soon as I started walking and told me that my ipod was at the house. It must have fell out of my pocket before I left. We talked as I walked, but our conversation was interrupted by a rumbling from afar. The rumbling got louder and louder. I thought it was thunder, but it wasn't. It was...steps...footsteps...running...fast....
I turned around and Country, my helper on the crew was running up behind me with a couple of bags of chips. He finally slowed to a stop when he got to me. "You gonna walk with me?" "Sure," he said. "What's the chips for?" "In case I got hungry." He's pretty deep. I love him to death.
We walked and talked around the first lap. As we walked by the main building, Mountain walked outside and joined our group. We kept walking and talking. I was keeping up with the lap numbers until lap 5. I think the conversation got pretty deep around then, and I started focusing on my answers.
We walked and walked and walked. I looked at my watch and saw that I had time for one more lap. "Is this lap 8?" I asked. "Nope, lap 9," Mountain replied. "What? Lap 9? Are you sure?" "Yep, you are ahead of me one lap. I am at lap 8, you are on lap 9." "Country, what lap are we on?" "I don't know, you didn't tell me to count." "Okay, number 9 it is!"
I walked the last lap feeling very good. I wasn't tired. I wasn't going to pass out. I felt, victorious. It's been hanging over my head for weeks now, and despite my best efforts to plan it, I was finally walking a self imposed 5k. Accidentally, but I did it, and it felt good.
We rounded the corner and were on the finally leg of the track to the shop. The road tees into a side road the runs beside my shop. I told one of the guys that I call that Amen Corner (not to be confused with the other Amen Corner). He asked me why I called it that, and I said, "That's where the walk ends. God gets me to the end of the walk, and I have to say 'Amen'". I was so happy to see it. The fact that I saw it 9 times in one walk was even better. I couldn't help it, I ran to it. When I got to the end, I raised my arms up in victory. I did it. 5k in less than an hour. Very satisfying.
So that's how my day was. Oh, and I can wear a 4XL shirt now. I need a 4 XLT, because I am tall, but I dug one out this morning to wear as an undershirt, and it fits. Pam says it looks good on me, so you are going to have to trust her word on it. Very good day.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Two Steps Forward...
Been busy renovating, so here's the update...
So, to be totally honest, it has been a crappy couple of days. The thing about victory is the thought that you are invincible. When you have worked hard and achieved some success, you think you deserve some time off. When you have been eating Lean Cuisines for weeks, you think you deserve some pizza. Maybe even some Chinese food. And then, as soon as you let your guard down, you get hit hard.
But this time, I refuse to stay down.
I really have to accept that this isn't a temporary fix or a band-aid, this is the way life is going to be from now on. I can't lose all the weight and go back to eating the old crap I used to or quit exercising, or I will be back to where I am now. I have got to get sick and tired of being this way. And I am. I am so tired of it. I just want to be done with it all.
Well enough of that. I just needed to confess and vent. Tomorrow is a new day. Weigh day is 4 days away. I am prepared to suck bad. I will try a last minute effort to lose as much as possible. I see some painful ankles and knees in my future.
So, to be totally honest, it has been a crappy couple of days. The thing about victory is the thought that you are invincible. When you have worked hard and achieved some success, you think you deserve some time off. When you have been eating Lean Cuisines for weeks, you think you deserve some pizza. Maybe even some Chinese food. And then, as soon as you let your guard down, you get hit hard.
But this time, I refuse to stay down.
I really have to accept that this isn't a temporary fix or a band-aid, this is the way life is going to be from now on. I can't lose all the weight and go back to eating the old crap I used to or quit exercising, or I will be back to where I am now. I have got to get sick and tired of being this way. And I am. I am so tired of it. I just want to be done with it all.
Well enough of that. I just needed to confess and vent. Tomorrow is a new day. Weigh day is 4 days away. I am prepared to suck bad. I will try a last minute effort to lose as much as possible. I see some painful ankles and knees in my future.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs
It was another beautiful day at the Colony. It was a great day to walk. I really didn't want to, but my trusty accountability partner decided he wasn't going to let me slack, so I started up the ipod and started stepping.
It didn't take long before I was thinking about stopping. I twisted my ankle a couple of days ago and it was hurting me. When I walked yesterday, it gave me trouble the first 2/3 of a mile. I walked through it and made it 2 miles. This morning it hurt worse than yesterday. I wanted to stop, but Mountain kept on me. "We've got to do 7 laps today." "Ummmmm, no," I replied. "Come on man, no slacking, we got to keep up the pace." "Yeah, 6 laps is the new pace for this week," I reminded him. "Come on man, we can do 7 and run." "You can do 7 and run, you jerk." Okay, I didn't say the jerk part, but it takes a lot to move 450 pounds 2 miles a day. He doesn't understand, but hey, he is doing what I asked him to do when I started this thing, so he's being a good friend.
The walk started like it always does, we walked at a pretty steady pace, a little slower than usual because of the ankle. ipod was not cooperating at all. Slow song, slow song, medium, then slow. It was killing what little desire I had to walk. The good part was that the pain ended by the end of the first lap. Now I had to deal with the nagging voice in the back of my head saying, "I don't want to walk, I don't want to walk, I don't want to walk."
Lap 2 went by without incident. By the time lap 2 comes around, I am trying to calculate how much time I have and what pace I need to walk to get in 2 miles. I am always trying to walk for at least 30 minutes, but I really want to go for the distance as well. I knew there was no way I would be able to fit the whole 2 miles in. The ankle pain was slowly creeping back, and it was keeping me from getting the pace I wanted.
Lap 3 came and went. Lap 4 started and I had 10 minutes left. I can get a solid 2 laps in 10 minutes if I push it. I tried to walk a little different to get my pace up. Just a slight push off at the end of my step to keep it from hurting, even get a little extension in it because it was tightening up. We turned the corner and headed up toward the shop. I saw the guys standing outside around the bell at the main campus. One of them were heading back to the Mission today. He finished his time here and was moving on. He stopped by my office yesterday and talked about how excited he was and how terrifying it is doing something entirely new. I know the feeling.
We walked on. Mountain raised his arms up in the air. Weird. I thought he was just stretching his back. I really wasn't sure what he was doing. He looked like a bird dying midflight. Mountain does weird things sometimes, so I didn't vocalize my concerns. Walk, just walk.
We walked past the shop and then headed back for the main building. I looked at the time. 3 minutes. Urg. One more, I have one more in me. Forget the knee, forget the weird Mountain dead bird dance, forget that ipod wanted to play Jewel every 3 songs (Yes, Jewel is on my ipod, don't judge me.), just walk. We headed by the pastor's office and then towards the laundry room. As we made it to the corner of the laundry room, shouts erupted from nowhere. It sounded like a large crowd had just jumped up for joy because their team had just scored a winning basket. I looked to my left, and the entire Colony had gotten together and surprised me with a triumphant cheer and a sign:
It didn't take long before I was thinking about stopping. I twisted my ankle a couple of days ago and it was hurting me. When I walked yesterday, it gave me trouble the first 2/3 of a mile. I walked through it and made it 2 miles. This morning it hurt worse than yesterday. I wanted to stop, but Mountain kept on me. "We've got to do 7 laps today." "Ummmmm, no," I replied. "Come on man, no slacking, we got to keep up the pace." "Yeah, 6 laps is the new pace for this week," I reminded him. "Come on man, we can do 7 and run." "You can do 7 and run, you jerk." Okay, I didn't say the jerk part, but it takes a lot to move 450 pounds 2 miles a day. He doesn't understand, but hey, he is doing what I asked him to do when I started this thing, so he's being a good friend.
The walk started like it always does, we walked at a pretty steady pace, a little slower than usual because of the ankle. ipod was not cooperating at all. Slow song, slow song, medium, then slow. It was killing what little desire I had to walk. The good part was that the pain ended by the end of the first lap. Now I had to deal with the nagging voice in the back of my head saying, "I don't want to walk, I don't want to walk, I don't want to walk."
Lap 2 went by without incident. By the time lap 2 comes around, I am trying to calculate how much time I have and what pace I need to walk to get in 2 miles. I am always trying to walk for at least 30 minutes, but I really want to go for the distance as well. I knew there was no way I would be able to fit the whole 2 miles in. The ankle pain was slowly creeping back, and it was keeping me from getting the pace I wanted.
Lap 3 came and went. Lap 4 started and I had 10 minutes left. I can get a solid 2 laps in 10 minutes if I push it. I tried to walk a little different to get my pace up. Just a slight push off at the end of my step to keep it from hurting, even get a little extension in it because it was tightening up. We turned the corner and headed up toward the shop. I saw the guys standing outside around the bell at the main campus. One of them were heading back to the Mission today. He finished his time here and was moving on. He stopped by my office yesterday and talked about how excited he was and how terrifying it is doing something entirely new. I know the feeling.
We walked on. Mountain raised his arms up in the air. Weird. I thought he was just stretching his back. I really wasn't sure what he was doing. He looked like a bird dying midflight. Mountain does weird things sometimes, so I didn't vocalize my concerns. Walk, just walk.
We walked past the shop and then headed back for the main building. I looked at the time. 3 minutes. Urg. One more, I have one more in me. Forget the knee, forget the weird Mountain dead bird dance, forget that ipod wanted to play Jewel every 3 songs (Yes, Jewel is on my ipod, don't judge me.), just walk. We headed by the pastor's office and then towards the laundry room. As we made it to the corner of the laundry room, shouts erupted from nowhere. It sounded like a large crowd had just jumped up for joy because their team had just scored a winning basket. I looked to my left, and the entire Colony had gotten together and surprised me with a triumphant cheer and a sign:
A handmade, autographed sign from all of the men at the Colony. I told them about the Biggest Loser thing this past weekend. They were bummed out that I didn't make it, so they did this to show that they support me. I was blown away. I even cried a little, but I waited until I was in my office.
Afterwards, everything that happened made sense. Mountain was pushing me because the guys had planned this. The whole dying bird ballet on lap 4 was a sign to the guys to hide, we were on the way. I had even caught the guys the day before planning the whole thing and I didn't realize it. I would tell the story from my helper's point of view, but there is no way I can do it justice. He is a big ole country boy from the woods, and he told me about them trying to coordinate the whole thing, and you have to hear it to really do it justice.
It is amazing how God send encouragement when you really need it. And it is really heartwarming to see guys that you try so hard to reach do some reaching of their own. I really do love the guys that come through here, and it was nice to see that they realize that. Now, I have 46 more reasons to keep going strong.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
So close, yet so far...
I was a maybe.
That's right, I found out that my name was in the maybe pile for the show. Urg. As tempted as I am to send a video to see if I can get on there, I think I will just stay home and do it myself. I think God wants it that way. If I do it on the show, the show will get the glory. If I do it here, God will get the glory. Plus, there is a lot to be said about the perservering, character building moments I know God has in store for me by doing it with His help rather than Bob or Jillian's.
5k is three weeks away. Yikes. I am ready, but I wish I was more ready. Is that possible? i think I just need to pull a Nike and "Just do it".
Food is getting the best of me the last couple of days, but I am still staying active. I am not back in my old 3500 calorie days, but I know I am going over 1800. Gotta get back on track, and there is no time better than right now.
Walking is sucking worse and worse. Starting off is always rough. After the first mile, it eases up, but that first mile is AWFUL. I am finding myself constantly having to mentally prepare for that first mile. Hopefully this is just a phase and will pass soon.
I have a new favorite facebook app called "I Just Walked" It keeps tabs of my walks and rubs it in everyone's face that I did it. Well, I make it sound bad, basically it just posts on your wall info about your walk.
I am very ipod dependant, too. It is borderline unhealthy. I was actually considering not walking this morning when I saw how much battery life my ipod had. It lived through the walk, and is charging now. There is nothing that will kill exercise more than having to listen to yourself breath for 45 minutes.
Well, time for some reading then off to bed. Be looking for my latest walk news on facebook, and I'll see you later!
That's right, I found out that my name was in the maybe pile for the show. Urg. As tempted as I am to send a video to see if I can get on there, I think I will just stay home and do it myself. I think God wants it that way. If I do it on the show, the show will get the glory. If I do it here, God will get the glory. Plus, there is a lot to be said about the perservering, character building moments I know God has in store for me by doing it with His help rather than Bob or Jillian's.
5k is three weeks away. Yikes. I am ready, but I wish I was more ready. Is that possible? i think I just need to pull a Nike and "Just do it".
Food is getting the best of me the last couple of days, but I am still staying active. I am not back in my old 3500 calorie days, but I know I am going over 1800. Gotta get back on track, and there is no time better than right now.
Walking is sucking worse and worse. Starting off is always rough. After the first mile, it eases up, but that first mile is AWFUL. I am finding myself constantly having to mentally prepare for that first mile. Hopefully this is just a phase and will pass soon.
I have a new favorite facebook app called "I Just Walked" It keeps tabs of my walks and rubs it in everyone's face that I did it. Well, I make it sound bad, basically it just posts on your wall info about your walk.
I am very ipod dependant, too. It is borderline unhealthy. I was actually considering not walking this morning when I saw how much battery life my ipod had. It lived through the walk, and is charging now. There is nothing that will kill exercise more than having to listen to yourself breath for 45 minutes.
Well, time for some reading then off to bed. Be looking for my latest walk news on facebook, and I'll see you later!
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